3 categories of male masturbation
welcome to part 1 of our sexual depravity series. lets get started...
as the title suggests, im going to break down male masturbation into 3 easy categories...just b/c you know you were curious
1. "realistic" masturbation
this category is filled with past hookups. any chick (dude?) youve hooked up with is fodder for the realistic masturbation category -- think of it as a fallback. im not feeling too creative, so ill play fireman to that one chick i nailed (oh youre nailin me. cool) on prom night.
within this category of people youve hooked up with is also perhaps uncharted territory with those people. maybe you wish you had borked her in her dad's cadillac or bent her over in the shower and smacked her ass. we'll include those here, though they may gray into category #2
2. 'realistic fantasy" masturbation
in this category, im going to put chicks you maybe just kissed...or chicks you almost hooked up with...really anyone you have seen and/or interacted with more than once or twice. youre familiar enough to paint a good picture (map of hawaii).
it could be very average and boring in your masturbatory world, or it could be things that are illegal in 41 states. either way, its chicks you "know" but not in the biblical sense
3. fantasy masturbation
this category is mostly saved for supermodels, celebrities, and that one really hot chick you saw at the gym or the mall. the chances of you hooking up with these people is close enough to 0 that we can effectively call it 0, hence the name.
id be willing to say most guys visit each category at one time or another, but id also be willing to say they hit one category more than the other 2.
of course i wouldnt know, because i dont masturbate. it's a sin, and if you do it, youre going to hell.
as the title suggests, im going to break down male masturbation into 3 easy categories...just b/c you know you were curious
1. "realistic" masturbation
this category is filled with past hookups. any chick (dude?) youve hooked up with is fodder for the realistic masturbation category -- think of it as a fallback. im not feeling too creative, so ill play fireman to that one chick i nailed (oh youre nailin me. cool) on prom night.
within this category of people youve hooked up with is also perhaps uncharted territory with those people. maybe you wish you had borked her in her dad's cadillac or bent her over in the shower and smacked her ass. we'll include those here, though they may gray into category #2
2. 'realistic fantasy" masturbation
in this category, im going to put chicks you maybe just kissed...or chicks you almost hooked up with...really anyone you have seen and/or interacted with more than once or twice. youre familiar enough to paint a good picture (map of hawaii).
it could be very average and boring in your masturbatory world, or it could be things that are illegal in 41 states. either way, its chicks you "know" but not in the biblical sense
3. fantasy masturbation
this category is mostly saved for supermodels, celebrities, and that one really hot chick you saw at the gym or the mall. the chances of you hooking up with these people is close enough to 0 that we can effectively call it 0, hence the name.
id be willing to say most guys visit each category at one time or another, but id also be willing to say they hit one category more than the other 2.
of course i wouldnt know, because i dont masturbate. it's a sin, and if you do it, youre going to hell.
posted by bruce dickinson at 2/13/2007 10:57:00 AM
1 Comments:
Damn, I guess I will be going to hell in one hell of a hurry after I leave this world, because Ai masturbate a lot, ans when I was younger, it was almost every day.
I am proud to tell the world that I masturbate, and enjoy it more and more every time I do it.
In hell one might have to masturbate every day, so what the heck, enjoy life for today, because you are a long time dead!
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