Wax on, Wax off
So, I got sucked into “The Karate Kid” like, 45 minutes ago and I can’t seem to get out. It’s a good thing I didn’t have anything to do tonight, because it would not be getting done. This is the original, people. This is pivotal. It’s fundamental. I loved this movie (and still do on some levels) but what a huge disappointment it was when I found out Mister Miyagi (a.k.a. Pat Morita) doesn’t talk that way. At all! He was born in California for crying out loud!
Side note: This was big for me, really big, like finding out Santa was just somebody’s drunk-ass uncle wearing a dingy beard promising kids the world if they just behaved themselves. (This is a separate issue, but am I the only one that feels like we’re just perpetuating pedophilia with this whole, “come sit on my lap, little girl/boy” charade? I think its disturbing at best.) The Miyagi sham is one of those things that, I feel, heavily contributed to the person I became, in a negative way. This one thing could be the sole reason for my complete mistrust of tiny Chinese men. I’ve never been to China, so now I’m questioning whether it even exists! Seems unlikely from where I’m sitting, Lee. Kids can only take so much let down. Santa Claus, Love, Mister Miyagi, Split National Championships… all of which you’re told are legit, but none of which are real!
Back on track. I think I just shared a moment with this movie, JUST now. Daniel just picked up Ally (Elisabeth Shue with baby fat still intact, several years before she hit full-blown hottieness) at her “Scarface” mansion in Encino, and they climbed into the station wagon with Daniel’s mom (that old beat up piece of shit – and the car is pretty crappy, too). SNAP! Anyway, the car doesn’t start. Already my heart goes out to Daniel-San. So the 3 of them are sitting in the car, in front of Ally’s parents, in front of her gi-normous house, and the car won’t start. How painful is this? Is it just me? I’m dying here, people.
If I’m Daniel, (and I like to believe that a part of me is) the only thing going through my head right now is that I’m never going out with this girl again. (Also, look, I know its 1984, but were station wagons ever an acceptable form of transportation? No, they were never cool.) My best plan of action at this point is to tell Ally goodbye (along with my social life) drive home as fast as I can (assuming it starts), park in the garage, leave the car running and roll the windows down. If the car never starts, I go straight to plan B; convince Miyagi to karate my ass to death. This has got to be 1 of the 3 or 4 legitimate reasons to off yourself. Daniel, we understand.
Ok, I’m turning that off. It’s time to let go. Can I just say something about Amy Lee here? Evanescence! Anyone? I’m blaring this aural bliss at an offensive volume in my living room right now, as I write this. What can I even say about Amy Lee? If I were to make a “Goose Bumps” mix CD – a compilation of pirated songs, downloaded illegally off of the internet, that give me Goose Bumps – Amy Lee would definitely be at the top of the list. Amy, where have you been all my life? “My Immortal” is on, and I am so connected to her at this very moment. I listen to this… and I wanna go break someone’s fucking neck for hurting her! (Part of it is because I feel her pain, and the other part is I’m still steaming a little about the whole Miyagi/Pat Morita conflict) This song, my God. Priceless. And then she goes and ends the chorus with, “but you still have all of me.” Doesn’t that just sum up the female condition right there? How appropriate.
I digress…
Side note: This was big for me, really big, like finding out Santa was just somebody’s drunk-ass uncle wearing a dingy beard promising kids the world if they just behaved themselves. (This is a separate issue, but am I the only one that feels like we’re just perpetuating pedophilia with this whole, “come sit on my lap, little girl/boy” charade? I think its disturbing at best.) The Miyagi sham is one of those things that, I feel, heavily contributed to the person I became, in a negative way. This one thing could be the sole reason for my complete mistrust of tiny Chinese men. I’ve never been to China, so now I’m questioning whether it even exists! Seems unlikely from where I’m sitting, Lee. Kids can only take so much let down. Santa Claus, Love, Mister Miyagi, Split National Championships… all of which you’re told are legit, but none of which are real!
Back on track. I think I just shared a moment with this movie, JUST now. Daniel just picked up Ally (Elisabeth Shue with baby fat still intact, several years before she hit full-blown hottieness) at her “Scarface” mansion in Encino, and they climbed into the station wagon with Daniel’s mom (that old beat up piece of shit – and the car is pretty crappy, too). SNAP! Anyway, the car doesn’t start. Already my heart goes out to Daniel-San. So the 3 of them are sitting in the car, in front of Ally’s parents, in front of her gi-normous house, and the car won’t start. How painful is this? Is it just me? I’m dying here, people.
If I’m Daniel, (and I like to believe that a part of me is) the only thing going through my head right now is that I’m never going out with this girl again. (Also, look, I know its 1984, but were station wagons ever an acceptable form of transportation? No, they were never cool.) My best plan of action at this point is to tell Ally goodbye (along with my social life) drive home as fast as I can (assuming it starts), park in the garage, leave the car running and roll the windows down. If the car never starts, I go straight to plan B; convince Miyagi to karate my ass to death. This has got to be 1 of the 3 or 4 legitimate reasons to off yourself. Daniel, we understand.
Ok, I’m turning that off. It’s time to let go. Can I just say something about Amy Lee here? Evanescence! Anyone? I’m blaring this aural bliss at an offensive volume in my living room right now, as I write this. What can I even say about Amy Lee? If I were to make a “Goose Bumps” mix CD – a compilation of pirated songs, downloaded illegally off of the internet, that give me Goose Bumps – Amy Lee would definitely be at the top of the list. Amy, where have you been all my life? “My Immortal” is on, and I am so connected to her at this very moment. I listen to this… and I wanna go break someone’s fucking neck for hurting her! (Part of it is because I feel her pain, and the other part is I’m still steaming a little about the whole Miyagi/Pat Morita conflict) This song, my God. Priceless. And then she goes and ends the chorus with, “but you still have all of me.” Doesn’t that just sum up the female condition right there? How appropriate.
I digress…
posted by Big Shifta at 12/13/2004 09:00:00 AM
2 Comments:
her voice is so hot i just wanna make love to her vocal chords...but at this point, i'm so obsessed, i just have to hear her name and i get half a lob. so hot right now
...Rush
hey shifta, i was rereading some of the archives, and i just wanted to say (get ready for it) youre the best! around!! nothing's gonna ever keep you down! (that song can also give me goosebumps, but on a totally different level than goddess lee can)
Post a Comment
<< Home