Wednesday, June 14, 2006

can i get a courtesy flush over there?

so i traveled to lake city, colorado, recently for my mother's wedding. i love weddings (i love sarcasm even more). i flew from DFW to denver, denver to gunnison. the flight from denver to gunnison might as well be called the vomit comet...i swear to god they should hand out xanax to every passenger...it would go a long way, trust me. half the people get off the flight looking like they just saw someone raped and murdered. its rough stuff, especially for pussies like me who inherited an incredibly weak stomach. thanks, owen and bonnie!
im getting off topic, but i thought it warranted a bit of air time. thanks to some quality airport food, i found myself in the classic gastrointestinal dilemma -- im in public, in an airport, and my stomach is about to explode. one of those classic moments they recreate in commercials where your stomach actually expands from indigestion or gas or whatever. yeah, thats gross...but youve been there, so you know what im talking about. so, i got brave...
well, lets be honest. its not bravery when youre to *that* point. its survival...anyways, this leads me to my point. i dont think youll find a public bathroom running more rampant with disgusting gaseous noises than an airport bathroom. thanks to auto-flush, the smell isnt overwhelming, andy dufresne-style. but here's why i dont think youll find people doing more damage than an airport bathroom:
people are traveling, so there may be some stress. people generally do not eat that well when they travel. people often eat quicker when theyre on an airplane or in an airport. and finally, and probably most importantly, youre not gonna use an airport toilet to deuce up unless you really have to go. this all adds up to an orchestra of butt trumpets.
dont act all high and mighty. you know exactly what im talking about

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