um, your asshole is bleeding, sir

look, i dont know what hemorrhoids are, and hopefully i will never find out first hand.
all i know is that it's something painful involving the asshole and skin and inflammation. those words together sort of make me go a big rubbery one.

anyways, you'll see where im going with this in a second.

as i am leaving the gym, i go to fill up my water bottle so i can sip a little on the way out to my car, and as im approaching the water fountains (there are 2 next to each other) i see this sweaty guy hunkered over one of them, with 2 fairly large, rather conspicuous dark spots on the back of his cotton shorts. the kind of cotton they make "sweatpants" out of.
naturally i think "oh man, this guy has shit stains on his pants," but as i approach, i see that it isnt quite the right color...so i begin to think oh this must be his work shorts, like he paints in them or something. as i get closer, i see that it is fucking blood red, and i still (for my own sanity) assume it is paint. but on closer inspection, this was definitely fresh from the sweating moosey's ass.

i just felt like you needed to know these things.

naturally, one has to wonder what youre doing hammering away on the stationary bike if your ass is sore, hemorrohoidal, or otherwise apt to bleed...