I feel a lot better about being me
So I was pretty down about my parents duping me and what not with the whole “Drugs vs. TV & Internet” thing. But, then I flipped on the television (big surprise) and Jerry Springer was on. Yes, I watched it. I wasn’t sure this show was still airing. After Jerry did MTV’s Spring Break a few years in a row, I thought he was finished. Not because it was disgraceful, quite the contrary, because that was the pinnacle. How can you ever top that gig? Well, obviously you can’t.
Anyway, so I’m watching Jerry Springer, and I notice that all too familiar feeling down in my loins. You know the one. I’m watching these people on Jerry, and suddenly; Complete Satisfaction. This automatically makes you feel better about your life, doesn’t it? Is it just me? If you can’t feel good about your life after watching Jerry Springer, you’re hopeless. There are exactly 3 reasons why you wouldn’t/shouldn’t love your life by comparison.
1) you know someone on the episode. (and you ALSO had no idea he was cheating on his girlfriend with his Uncle)
2) you find yourself defending the guests because you’re not sure what qualifies this as “wrong” in the eyes of the audience & you’re unsure why this is still considered trash-TV when it’s such “normal” behavior. (therefore this IS your life)
3) you’ve found some sort of inner-peace and resolution after reflecting on Jerry’s “Final Thought”. (Nothing that he says should ever provoke you to say, “wow, that IS a good point.”)
If none of those apply to you, then you’re gold! Just sit back, crack a smile, and start chanting “Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!” when one piece of trash in the audience tries to pick a fight with another piece of trash on the stage. You couldn’t script this. Let’s talk about the studio audience for a minute, shall we. Just when you think they’ve found the lowest of the low to be a guest on Jerry, suddenly someone in the audience gets a hold of the mic and, by comparison, makes the idiot on stage look respectable. How is this happening? What alternate universe is this? The behavior of these people is questionable at best, but more importantly, there’s not one attractive person there. Not one. What are the odds of that? What is the screening process here? Where is this endless supply of trash-talking, uneducated goblins?
“Hey, you’re ugly as hell and you have no idea how to act in public, wanna be on national television? We have a place for you on Jerry Springer, we just can’t decide if you’re better suited as a guest or a viewer.”
What pool are they drawing from? Well, I’ll tell you what pool. It’s a filthy stew of over-weight women, their skinny boyfriends, Nascar fans, mobile-home owners, and mullets. The even money bet is no more than 3 full sets of teeth in the entire audience. (gold fronts do NOT count towards a full set) And what is it about the dub-t culture that prevents you from going to the dentist? The barber? I’m just waiting for the day when I flip on Jerry, and I see a guy walking up and down the isles selling beer and peanuts. It’s the one element that’s missing. It’s just a matter of time…
Bt the way – Paris Hilton, you complete me. **doing the gibberish hand-signs** You complete me…
Anyway, so I’m watching Jerry Springer, and I notice that all too familiar feeling down in my loins. You know the one. I’m watching these people on Jerry, and suddenly; Complete Satisfaction. This automatically makes you feel better about your life, doesn’t it? Is it just me? If you can’t feel good about your life after watching Jerry Springer, you’re hopeless. There are exactly 3 reasons why you wouldn’t/shouldn’t love your life by comparison.
1) you know someone on the episode. (and you ALSO had no idea he was cheating on his girlfriend with his Uncle)
2) you find yourself defending the guests because you’re not sure what qualifies this as “wrong” in the eyes of the audience & you’re unsure why this is still considered trash-TV when it’s such “normal” behavior. (therefore this IS your life)
3) you’ve found some sort of inner-peace and resolution after reflecting on Jerry’s “Final Thought”. (Nothing that he says should ever provoke you to say, “wow, that IS a good point.”)
If none of those apply to you, then you’re gold! Just sit back, crack a smile, and start chanting “Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!” when one piece of trash in the audience tries to pick a fight with another piece of trash on the stage. You couldn’t script this. Let’s talk about the studio audience for a minute, shall we. Just when you think they’ve found the lowest of the low to be a guest on Jerry, suddenly someone in the audience gets a hold of the mic and, by comparison, makes the idiot on stage look respectable. How is this happening? What alternate universe is this? The behavior of these people is questionable at best, but more importantly, there’s not one attractive person there. Not one. What are the odds of that? What is the screening process here? Where is this endless supply of trash-talking, uneducated goblins?
“Hey, you’re ugly as hell and you have no idea how to act in public, wanna be on national television? We have a place for you on Jerry Springer, we just can’t decide if you’re better suited as a guest or a viewer.”
What pool are they drawing from? Well, I’ll tell you what pool. It’s a filthy stew of over-weight women, their skinny boyfriends, Nascar fans, mobile-home owners, and mullets. The even money bet is no more than 3 full sets of teeth in the entire audience. (gold fronts do NOT count towards a full set) And what is it about the dub-t culture that prevents you from going to the dentist? The barber? I’m just waiting for the day when I flip on Jerry, and I see a guy walking up and down the isles selling beer and peanuts. It’s the one element that’s missing. It’s just a matter of time…
Bt the way – Paris Hilton, you complete me. **doing the gibberish hand-signs** You complete me…
posted by Big Shifta at 12/15/2004 11:20:00 PM
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