the "miracle" of life

So I just found out I am going to be a father – ha, just kidding. If I found that out, I certainly would not be writing this. I would either be pushing someone down some stairs or hacking at my wrists – but seriously…

I was thinking about it, and I never got to? had to? see that miracle of life video, or whatever it is they call that video they show impressionable teens to scare the shit out of them. Or was it to enlighten them? Somehow I think this video was a prelude to sex talks or sexual education (propaganda) something of the sort…I don’t know b/c I didn’t experience these things

Anyways, I think I feel pretty lucky to have missed this requisite (read: forced) sexual education…as the saying goes, there are just some things you can’t unsee. And no, I don’t know who deserves credit for that nugget…so I’ll give credit to Jesus

As for this “miracle” of child birth – I am sure it is “amazing” and life-changing, but probably not in the rewarding ways we wish it were, at least not to the observer. The chick has an adrenaline rush from hell, so she basically has an out-of-body experience…as for the suckers who have to watch it, there is no telling what sort of mutant, alien bullshit is coming out during *that*

That’s all for now ladies and gentlemen. Remember that our complimentary magazine is in the seat in front of you, right behind the air-sick bag, should you need either.

Thanks for stopping by (and stay classy)…but mostly thanks for stopping by