Sunday, October 16, 2005

two quick questions

do monks and nuns still masturbate? or are they not even allowed to get carpal tunnel from a world of self-pleasure? i'm too lazy to google this, and i want some opinions anyways

recently i bought some bodywash that i thought smelled good at the store, only to get it home and think it wasnt nearly as good as it was at the store (and i probably wouldnt even use it except that its big, and i paid for it) -- how does this happen? do i continue to use?

shifta, feel free to write back in response to these, too...or toss your own random musings up
--bd


I could go either way on the first one.

1) monks masturbate more than you know who... they MUST! how could you not; that's the thinking here. plus, A) how are you gonna claim to ever be truly enlightened if you're NOT partaking in this form of expression. and B) can you imagine the frustration and misplaced animosity brewing in a place full of men that aren't getting any sort of 'release'? I can...

2) no way! they've never jerked, and likely will never jerk. and here's why-- If these guys had ever discovered the truly magical world that is having an orgasm, there's no way they're choosing a life sans booty. You know how addictive that stuff is! You get a taste, and you gotta have more... in our case, a LOT more.
(the exception to this rule is that some people are goblins. and i would submit to you that there is a very high percentage of ugly monks, as opposed to good looking monks. so even if you love getting your jollies off, you probably realize that choosing a life of spiritual enlightenment is the better deal -- more fulfilling -- because you're not really giving up any play anyway-- at least, none worth having -- because chances were good that there was going to be very little in your future.)

I'd comment on your other thought, but I just can't focus while I've got this image of you in the shower. I like it-- and that coupled with all the masturbation talk.. umm.. I'll be right back...

--update 4:00 eastern--

1) (a) enlightenment does seem to come in only a few precarious situations - showers, shits, and sex(ual gratification)
(b) i think we've seen what effects such conditions can have on walls...maybe they have punching bags in monasteries?

2) while id like to accept your "no jerk" theory, it just doesnt work for me - isnt it human nature to figure out what that bizarre appendage is and to do things to it that feel good? i mean i dont think bears and tigers sit around talking shop on masturbatory techniques, but i guarantee theyre strokin their bits n pieces against something if theyre not bangin ol mr or mrs furrycrotch

the exception seems to be much easier to swallow (i bet we sound really gay talking about masturbating monks and showers and swallowing, but whatever, its unintentional) - goblins embrace that religion thing and cling like grim death for the all important self-denial...its really powerful, and you know this b/c we co-authored the book on it - "oh im ABOVE the cretons who debase themselves with masturbation and wanton sexual activity" or im too ugly, but its much easier to say that i gave it up
can you give something up that you never really had, though? something to ponder

and when you get done playing 5-on-1 in pleasuretown, i still want a bodywash answer


Body wash... what can I say? I think I need more information. is it a bad smell -- did it go from good to bad? does it actually smell different than it did, in the bottle -- or is your body chemistry mixing oddly with it? maybe your beak is just messing with you? perhaps there's just a glitch in the matrix...

I'd say stop using it. Just on principle. We're both descriminating hipsters and we like to indulge ourselves with a few of the finer things in life. Maybe that brings up questions about our sexuality, and maybe it doesn't - Let them judge us. All I'm saying is, you feel that you deserve the best, and you should not settle for less. So, throw that motherfucker away just in an act of decadence and go buy something that really flips your switch.


it has that hotel soap smell, which isnt bad, but i dont like it - definitely smells different than in the store...i was totally turned on by the smell and the fact that it is pump-top instead of a squirter...totally easy
but i really wanna get rid of it - and not b/c im metro, or that it even smells that bad...it just doesnt smell as good as it should, AND it lacks the minimum masturbatory viscosity that one might need in there
so essentially, it isnt good for ANYTHING


like A-Rod in October....

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