more gym awards
sorry if some of these are slightly repeated from prior awards ceremonies. frankly, im too lazy to check, and im sure youre too stupid to remember anyways
so, here's to:
1. mister "i do arms every single workout" guy - no coincidence that this guy has overwhite teeth, too much fake tan, and spends an inordinate amount of time glimpsing at himself in the mirror. he's a decent lookin cat, and he knows it...i just dont think he's as good looking as he thinks he is
2. the little 120-pound runty fellow who doesnt seem to do that much at the gym, yet carries around a liter of powerade or gatorade. really? youre there for an hour, and im not even sure you break a sweat. those electrolytes are getting dangerously low, right armstrong?
3. the guy or girl who clearly bought "workout clothes" together -- youve got the color coordinated top, bottoms (shorts or track pants, sometimes both), and sometimes even shoes or wrist bands. are you on a team? team moron? is that what you're trying to tell me?
4. the old guys and the foreign guys who continue to wear what appear to be dark dress socks with their rather white tennis shoes. i love you and how awkward you look
5. the poor anorexic girl who could be attractive, except all she does is eat celery sticks, blow lots of cocaine [guys], and go to the gym to do the elliptical and abs. look for stringy hair and/or sunken eyes
6. the guy who has no idea what he's doing, so he sort of wanders around half-assing sets, until he sees someone doing an exercise he likes, then he starts doing that. pick up a magazine or ask someone for help, but for gods sake stop staring at people so uncomfortably and then looking like a queer by doing the same exercises as people
7. the girl who "goes to prom" when she hits the gym - you know her. hair is done, makeup is done, smells a little too good. no scuff marks on the shoes, probably wont break a sweat. save it for thursday night when youre ready to swallow some seed; im trying to work out right now
8. finally, the asshole who silently judges other people at the gym and then writes a blog about it. what a prick (it must be a defense mechanism because he's so insecure!)
the gym sounds like a wonderfully magical land. perhaps I should investigate.
...that's happening...
so, here's to:
1. mister "i do arms every single workout" guy - no coincidence that this guy has overwhite teeth, too much fake tan, and spends an inordinate amount of time glimpsing at himself in the mirror. he's a decent lookin cat, and he knows it...i just dont think he's as good looking as he thinks he is
2. the little 120-pound runty fellow who doesnt seem to do that much at the gym, yet carries around a liter of powerade or gatorade. really? youre there for an hour, and im not even sure you break a sweat. those electrolytes are getting dangerously low, right armstrong?
3. the guy or girl who clearly bought "workout clothes" together -- youve got the color coordinated top, bottoms (shorts or track pants, sometimes both), and sometimes even shoes or wrist bands. are you on a team? team moron? is that what you're trying to tell me?
4. the old guys and the foreign guys who continue to wear what appear to be dark dress socks with their rather white tennis shoes. i love you and how awkward you look
5. the poor anorexic girl who could be attractive, except all she does is eat celery sticks, blow lots of cocaine [guys], and go to the gym to do the elliptical and abs. look for stringy hair and/or sunken eyes
6. the guy who has no idea what he's doing, so he sort of wanders around half-assing sets, until he sees someone doing an exercise he likes, then he starts doing that. pick up a magazine or ask someone for help, but for gods sake stop staring at people so uncomfortably and then looking like a queer by doing the same exercises as people
7. the girl who "goes to prom" when she hits the gym - you know her. hair is done, makeup is done, smells a little too good. no scuff marks on the shoes, probably wont break a sweat. save it for thursday night when youre ready to swallow some seed; im trying to work out right now
8. finally, the asshole who silently judges other people at the gym and then writes a blog about it. what a prick (it must be a defense mechanism because he's so insecure!)
the gym sounds like a wonderfully magical land. perhaps I should investigate.
...that's happening...
posted by bruce dickinson at 10/17/2006 09:20:00 AM
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