Define Clean Urine

Did any of that just happen???
This story needs to be told. So bare with me--

I'm chatting online (as I often am) and an old friend IM's me and... ya know what, let me just paste it.

II pinkness lI: hey
Studlystuf: hey there
II pinkness lI: when was the last time you smoked pot
II pinkness lI: or did any drugs
Studlystuf: define drugs
II pinkness lI: well, i have a proposition for you. it's retarded.
Studlystuf: you want me to piss for you, right?
II pinkness lI: i'll come smoke you out if you piss for me
II pinkness lI: yeah!!
Studlystuf: hahaha

There are no less than 3 things worth noting here.
A) that I knew she wanted my piss before she said it
2) that, well, she needed my piss
3rd) no foreplay. she cut straight to the heart of it. i dig that about her--

On some twisted level, it's kinda flattering that she wanted MY piss, isn't it? Like, hey, I have clean piss, check me out! Woohoo! *doing my dance* (Then again, isn't that like congratulating some poor transient for going out and getting a job? You did exactly what normal people are EXPECTED to do!) Is it special that I don't do drugs? Is it impressive? (Is it lame?)

Then she's asking if my piss is definitely clean. Am i sure? Fuck, define clean, I dunno. I don't do drugs if that's what you mean. But is it void of all impurities/std's -- not likely! Though I may not do drugs; I do women. I'm not a preist... yet. Can I really be expected to take responsibility for the exact contents of my piss? Can I attest to its cleanliness? Yours is clearly tainted, so whatever I give you; Be Grateful! Besides, I haven't even agreed to this whole thing yet.

While we're on the subject... what's the call here? Is this something that I should even consider? Should I just say no way and be done with it? Or is it weird that I even have a problem with it? Is it a big deal, at all? Also, is it inappropriate for me to expect something in return for my troubles? Money? Sexual favors? Something? Should I even go there? Should she feel, in some way, obligated to offer said payment?

Bottom line, I chickened out. I couldn't do it. I couldn't perform. The whole thing just seemed too shady/uncomfortable. Sorry! Take me off your list...

So, anyway -- Tron came through! Did it for nothing, too. She got her piss, we got a story. Score one for the home team!