sluts! darwin (and the blog) approves

lets talk evolution and survival of the fittest. sorry bitches and player-haters, but the rest of us were coded to survive.
for males, that means spreading your proverbial (and physical) seed[s] around. we're coded to knock all you dumb bitches up in an effort to continue the human race -- sorry, blame it on science
for females, that means spread your legs until your eggs are properly fertilized...so the irony of the situation is that these sluts are the "fittest" for survival according to darwin, right? theyve got the best "survival instincts," but in this day and age, that can get you ostracized or even killed (by jealous girlfriends...or the HIV -- unless youre magic johnson)

anyways, dont question it. dont fight it. its just science. consider it nature's and our way of saying "thanks" and "well done"

Bruce, you are a delight.

Let's talk about sluts for a minute [or 15, cos I can tell this is gonna get outta hand]
Male and Female.

Sluts are doing just fine. (and by sluts, obviously I mean you and I, Bruce) In fact, they're doing tremendous business all over the place. Their industry is alive and well. Their doors; always open. Their shelves; always stocked. Their stores; always crowded! It's like Wal-Mart; no matter what time you go into that place, there's always at least 20 other people there. It's really something.

Let's run with that for a second. I like it--
We all [pretend to] hate wal-mart. We agree it's a little bit dirty. We agree that it's a little cheap looking/feeling. We agree that, perhaps, the selection could be a little bit better. (Not that wal-mart has a terrible selection, quite the contrary; they've got tons of shit. But I think we can all admit that it's usually mid to lower tier quality. Am I right? And that's all I'm saying.) We can all agree that, for the most part, the service sucks; they only care about [themselves] the bottom line. When you're ready to buy something -- give them business -- they're right there. But if you ever need any help; need someone to talk to, need a question answered, need some direction -- if you ever need anything more, you're fucked. Your needs are really secondary here. (are we still talking about wal-mart or have I made the seemless transition to sluts?... please hold your applause til the end, thank you) So given all of these [so-called] "negatives/cons", why are we still flooding into these places day and night? Why??
Look, because I care, I'm gonna tell you why--

The price is right my friends.

I don't know how many times I've gone into wal-mart and couldn't find exactly what I wanted. But do I leave? No, I buy something anyway. I find something similar to what I was looking for, and I say to myself, "Self, it'll do". Why not, right? Maybe it isn't Sara Lee's "Delightfully White" white bread (which is what I really wanted) -- but it IS white bread. And its cheap!
So you'll take it.
And THAT is why they're banking.

Somehow, they [wal-mart or sluts?] make you forget that you're [normally] a descriminating hipster with an appreciation for the finer things in life. You suddenly don't care that you are, at this very moment, about to purchase the same loaf of bread that "double-wide Clyde" from the trailer park bought earlier this morning after his government disability check was delivered. Read that last line again. Suddenly, what is good enough for Clyde is good enough for you too? How could you, with all your good looks and charm and potential, sink down to Clyde's level and buy the wal-mart brand.. anything?! How could this be happening?
Well, I've already told you how. Because they're giving the shit away!! Who could resist?! You want bread, they've got bread. And it's gonna cost ya next to nothing!

So it goes. And sluts are making a killing.

Lemme break it down by sex for you--

Chicks vs. The Mimbo
We all know that chicks hate the female slut. Hate her with a passion! They hate her more than they hate your ex-girlfriend. (who dates? what are you a preacher or something?) But, do chicks hold the mimbo to the same flame? Yea-NO! Chicks shop at wal-mart too, kids.
Chicks will STILL get with "that guy"-- no questions asked. They talk a big game about how dirty he is but when it comes down to it, they're still finding their way onto the business end of my di.... well, you know.
They know this guy is a total man whore and that he'll hook up with any girl -- but they're so flattered by the idea that he is interested in hooking up with them that they're sprinting to a dark corner to get on their knees. (men want a piece of ass. women want men to want their piece of ass -- it's fundamental) Do they care that he's probably already been with her best friend? Not anymore! Is this hurting his chances? It was... up until the moment he blew the best friend off and showed a little interest in her. The estrogen coarsing through their veins is blinding them to the reality of the situation. Some girl somewhere, as I write this, is convincing herself that she wouldn't be interested in some dude if he were actually as dirty as everyone (including her 5 minutes ago) keept saying. He's really kind of sweet. He just hasn't found the right girl yet. SHE could be the right girl! The one that he'll settle down for! The one that he'll give up his mimbo ways for .... no wait, he's not a mimbo! He's sweet and misunderstood!
Result: Mimbo wins

Men vs. The Slut
Male sluts, we're indifferent. Female sluts - we're in love.
You know we shop at wal-mart, man. We just don't care. It's prudent. It's practical. It's nearly effortless. Hell, it's economical even.
We'll buy the wal-mart brand foods because they save us more money for beer (and if they had wal-mart brand beer, we'd buy that too, because it all gets us to the same place, and we could buy twice as much) If you're a man and you're grocery shopping, your only thought is "I want food." You NEED food. You know you need it to survive. What difference does it make where it comes from or what kind of packaging its in. And frankly, the less packaging there is covering it up, probably the more likely we are to buy it. It makes sense! Think about it -- we wanna see what we're getting. (We've eliminated the worry about getting it home, undressing... I mean, unwrapping it, and seeing that it's maybe not what we thought we were getting.) You buy something in a box, there's really no telling what's inside that thing. You buy something half hanging out of its "container" (or see-thru packaging) you know exactly what you've got. It's the smart move.
So THAT is why we get with sluts. Well, that and we just love sluts. We love to hook up with them. We love to tell our friends that we did it. We just love the whole experience.
Result: Men win! You could say that everyone wins, but we all know that a life of slutitude for a woman is really destroying her inside, so she's actually losing. Tucker Max probably said it best: "These women have circled the drain a few times, and no manner of plastic surgery or trips to the spa can hide that despair that years of whorish behavior and emotional prostitution leaves in the eyes."