Half The Rent... The End
I fear this may be the last "half the rent" post, friends. I am getting my own place at the end of this month & living alone -- likely forever (since all of my friends are dead beats and live with their parents... and I don't believe in marriage)
I've lived with some cooky kids in my day. I started this blog shortly after I moved into this apartment, and the first couple of "half the rent" blogs were tributes to the first roommate (RushOfAdrenalin). Since then he has moved back home with his parents and another friend (Tron -- who was living with his parents at the time) left home and moved in with me. No matter how often I write about my ....situation, there is no way any of you could ever appreciate the magnitude of what is going on with these cats. Trust me. I don't have the words and even if I did, I'm not that good of a writer (shut it!) If you don't know them, then you don't know them. Does that make sense?
I don't even really have a story here. I just wanted to say that life isn't about who you know; its about who you don't know. And I have to believe that I could have really been someone and/or something if I'd never met either of these two clowns. The possibilities are mind blowing, really. Once I'm moved out (and there's a safe distance between us) I will probably post lots of goodies about them. But when Tron is sleeping 25 feet from me, I have to watch my ass. There is so much to tell; there is everything to tell.
You know what, Fuck it, I will tell a Tron story...
So this guy walks into the talent agent's office and says, "I have a great act for you." The talent agent says, "Ok, what is it?" So the man says, "Well, it's a family act.....
I ordered some chinese food the other night, and the total was $17.51 and the only dead presidents I had were $20 bills and benjamins (cos that's how I roll) I needed a few singles, cos I'm not tipping the chinaman two-fitty (it's not that I believe in generosity so much as I absolutely don't believe in getting kung fu'd) So naturally I open up the dryer to look for some loose money. Not only does it take Tron a full 7 days to do ONE load of laundry (lest we forget it only took God six days to create the motherfucking Earth...) but he also washes his money on a regular basis. But, unfortunately on this particular load I only found about 60 cents. So next I head into his room -- he's always got cash just laying around (where the floor used to be, before Tron moved in and tron'd it out) underneath... whatever. It just so happens that he had lost his keys that morning and had (it's more regular than my bowel movements) "cleaned" his room looking for them. So all of the usual obstacles were pushed into giant piles along his walls which really opened the place up. It looked GREAT. The bad side of this is that he probably found any loose cash and took it with him (presumably for the bus, since he never did find his keys) but as I'm looking around, I notice that where his computer chair usually sits, there is a huge pile of old, brittle, yellow toenails. I'm not just talking about 10 -- I'm talking closer to 50. Just sitting there on what used to be brown carpet. My only guess is that he peels them off while he's perched up on his chair playing computer games. The whole thing made me want to yack. And thank God I had chinese food on the way, ya know, cos I deserve it...
...and they call themselves, "The Aristocrats"....
aright shifta, glad to have you back in black. i have to point out a few things, just for the sake of propriety and verbosity (peep the funk flow!)
1. im only slightly a deadbeat. i live by myself and go to law school. and I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS! (you either get that or you dont. if you dont, just swallow some gasoline and light a cigarette. thanks for stoppin by)
2. tron wouldnt do shit to you, but if you dropped some classic rushofadrenalin stories, he would make the fists of rage "blessed event" look like a pat on the back
3. what about when tron wiped dip spit on your bed? did i ruin a good story there?
4. 20.00-17.51 = 2.49. Just thought it was worth mentioning
5. lets all thank shifta for sharing. *thank you shifta*
I've lived with some cooky kids in my day. I started this blog shortly after I moved into this apartment, and the first couple of "half the rent" blogs were tributes to the first roommate (RushOfAdrenalin). Since then he has moved back home with his parents and another friend (Tron -- who was living with his parents at the time) left home and moved in with me. No matter how often I write about my ....situation, there is no way any of you could ever appreciate the magnitude of what is going on with these cats. Trust me. I don't have the words and even if I did, I'm not that good of a writer (shut it!) If you don't know them, then you don't know them. Does that make sense?
I don't even really have a story here. I just wanted to say that life isn't about who you know; its about who you don't know. And I have to believe that I could have really been someone and/or something if I'd never met either of these two clowns. The possibilities are mind blowing, really. Once I'm moved out (and there's a safe distance between us) I will probably post lots of goodies about them. But when Tron is sleeping 25 feet from me, I have to watch my ass. There is so much to tell; there is everything to tell.
You know what, Fuck it, I will tell a Tron story...
So this guy walks into the talent agent's office and says, "I have a great act for you." The talent agent says, "Ok, what is it?" So the man says, "Well, it's a family act.....
I ordered some chinese food the other night, and the total was $17.51 and the only dead presidents I had were $20 bills and benjamins (cos that's how I roll) I needed a few singles, cos I'm not tipping the chinaman two-fitty (it's not that I believe in generosity so much as I absolutely don't believe in getting kung fu'd) So naturally I open up the dryer to look for some loose money. Not only does it take Tron a full 7 days to do ONE load of laundry (lest we forget it only took God six days to create the motherfucking Earth...) but he also washes his money on a regular basis. But, unfortunately on this particular load I only found about 60 cents. So next I head into his room -- he's always got cash just laying around (where the floor used to be, before Tron moved in and tron'd it out) underneath... whatever. It just so happens that he had lost his keys that morning and had (it's more regular than my bowel movements) "cleaned" his room looking for them. So all of the usual obstacles were pushed into giant piles along his walls which really opened the place up. It looked GREAT. The bad side of this is that he probably found any loose cash and took it with him (presumably for the bus, since he never did find his keys) but as I'm looking around, I notice that where his computer chair usually sits, there is a huge pile of old, brittle, yellow toenails. I'm not just talking about 10 -- I'm talking closer to 50. Just sitting there on what used to be brown carpet. My only guess is that he peels them off while he's perched up on his chair playing computer games. The whole thing made me want to yack. And thank God I had chinese food on the way, ya know, cos I deserve it...
...and they call themselves, "The Aristocrats"....
aright shifta, glad to have you back in black. i have to point out a few things, just for the sake of propriety and verbosity (peep the funk flow!)
1. im only slightly a deadbeat. i live by myself and go to law school. and I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS! (you either get that or you dont. if you dont, just swallow some gasoline and light a cigarette. thanks for stoppin by)
2. tron wouldnt do shit to you, but if you dropped some classic rushofadrenalin stories, he would make the fists of rage "blessed event" look like a pat on the back
3. what about when tron wiped dip spit on your bed? did i ruin a good story there?
4. 20.00-17.51 = 2.49. Just thought it was worth mentioning
5. lets all thank shifta for sharing. *thank you shifta*
posted by Big Shifta at 9/20/2006 10:32:00 AM
1 Comments:
Benjamin Franklin wasn't ever president...
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