slayin some hoodrats
okay, heres the scenario. you see a guy talking to a hoodrat chick, showing obvious interest, maybe even giving her the (blow me) eyes.
what do you do if:
1. the guy is a buddy of yours
obviously you owe your buddy a certain level of loyalty -- allegiance, if you will. i think most, if not all of us, if we allow ourselves to be honest, have hooked up with someone, at some point, who could politely be described as questionable or even downright shady. where was the good samaritan to warn you then? if your buddy let you hook up with a chick he knew was a hoodrat, he obviously doesnt have your back like he should. kick him in the testicles...frankly youre lucky to have your wedding tackle in full, operating order after he let you break off a piece of the slutmobile.
think about it -- its just the golden rule, really...you would want your buddy to tip you off that she blew that male stripper after "girls night out" or that she slept with half of her high school and had cervical cancer 2 years ago, right?
really there's no excuse here, unless your buddy has done this to you, or some other extenuating circumstance, like your buddy fucked your mom/sister. otherwise, youre really not that close.
2. the guy is either an acquaintance or just someone you sort of know about
this is where it gets tricky. you have to be careful that these two arent already "dating" or "hooking up" or you could cause more harm than you prevent, including getting your ass kicked by the unsuspecting/unbelieving guy. you could also piss off the chick to the point where she gets her brother and/or some fratastic friends to come after you american history x shower-style.
how exactly do you broach the subject with a guy you dont really know. for example, i saw a known offender at the gym, talking to this guy who works there. he and i are essentially on the "hey whats up" or the head nod acknowledgement level at this point. it has never gone beyond that, and i dont even know his name. however, i started to feel guilty that i wasnt tipping him off to this walking petri dish...hell, maybe he likes 'em dirty. maybe he doesnt think he'll pick anything up if he fucks through the hole in his boxers. or maybe he's planning on goin muddin and just hopes whatever bacteria she harbors are only in the front door and not the back.
either way, im at a loss here, bc i dont need to incur the wrath of anyone else at this point...i think ive filled my quota for the number of people to piss off this month.
there's always next month, though...
Well, obviously it makes Bruce feel better to label people-- and frankly, I'm no different. We here at bigshifta.blogspot feel it's important to be the kind of organization that labels people. What kind of human being are you if you can't pass judgement on people you hardly know? I find if you make up your mind about someone and judge them early on in the game before all the votes have been tallied; you're always right. They always come out to be exactly what you thought they would! How perfect is that? Do you know how good it feels to always be right about people? Bruce and I do; fucking fantastic! It's phenomenal!
Here's the real deal, Holyfield; I'm a sewer shark, baby! That ain't new! I "date" your so-called "hoodrats" almost exclusively. I'm tickled to admit this. This is an untapped (yet extremely tapped....) resource! I feel like I won the fucking lottery, bro. And you're not even playing! I felt like Christmas came early the first time I bagged said creature. It's booty without all the other bullshit attached. Something for nothing; if you will.
what do you do if:
1. the guy is a buddy of yours
obviously you owe your buddy a certain level of loyalty -- allegiance, if you will. i think most, if not all of us, if we allow ourselves to be honest, have hooked up with someone, at some point, who could politely be described as questionable or even downright shady. where was the good samaritan to warn you then? if your buddy let you hook up with a chick he knew was a hoodrat, he obviously doesnt have your back like he should. kick him in the testicles...frankly youre lucky to have your wedding tackle in full, operating order after he let you break off a piece of the slutmobile.
think about it -- its just the golden rule, really...you would want your buddy to tip you off that she blew that male stripper after "girls night out" or that she slept with half of her high school and had cervical cancer 2 years ago, right?
really there's no excuse here, unless your buddy has done this to you, or some other extenuating circumstance, like your buddy fucked your mom/sister. otherwise, youre really not that close.
2. the guy is either an acquaintance or just someone you sort of know about
this is where it gets tricky. you have to be careful that these two arent already "dating" or "hooking up" or you could cause more harm than you prevent, including getting your ass kicked by the unsuspecting/unbelieving guy. you could also piss off the chick to the point where she gets her brother and/or some fratastic friends to come after you american history x shower-style.
how exactly do you broach the subject with a guy you dont really know. for example, i saw a known offender at the gym, talking to this guy who works there. he and i are essentially on the "hey whats up" or the head nod acknowledgement level at this point. it has never gone beyond that, and i dont even know his name. however, i started to feel guilty that i wasnt tipping him off to this walking petri dish...hell, maybe he likes 'em dirty. maybe he doesnt think he'll pick anything up if he fucks through the hole in his boxers. or maybe he's planning on goin muddin and just hopes whatever bacteria she harbors are only in the front door and not the back.
either way, im at a loss here, bc i dont need to incur the wrath of anyone else at this point...i think ive filled my quota for the number of people to piss off this month.
there's always next month, though...
Well, obviously it makes Bruce feel better to label people-- and frankly, I'm no different. We here at bigshifta.blogspot feel it's important to be the kind of organization that labels people. What kind of human being are you if you can't pass judgement on people you hardly know? I find if you make up your mind about someone and judge them early on in the game before all the votes have been tallied; you're always right. They always come out to be exactly what you thought they would! How perfect is that? Do you know how good it feels to always be right about people? Bruce and I do; fucking fantastic! It's phenomenal!
Here's the real deal, Holyfield; I'm a sewer shark, baby! That ain't new! I "date" your so-called "hoodrats" almost exclusively. I'm tickled to admit this. This is an untapped (yet extremely tapped....) resource! I feel like I won the fucking lottery, bro. And you're not even playing! I felt like Christmas came early the first time I bagged said creature. It's booty without all the other bullshit attached. Something for nothing; if you will.
posted by bruce dickinson at 7/20/2006 11:04:00 PM
3 Comments:
Bruce,
You let Shifta talk to me in Vegas. I thought you guys were buddies and as you said before, you should warn your buddies in those situations.
...unless he fucked your mother/sister, which may or may not have happened. My lips are sealed.
bonnie the mom is a saint. and i gave him permission to "pleasure" her. i was hammered out of my mind, and it was dark outside...i couldnt tell then that you were such a raging whore
when are your lips ever sealed, by the way
I bet you Shifta took her out to a nice dinner and never called her back.
When it comes to you, my lips are never sealed, baby. ;-)
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