drugs give you hickeys

So a gay guy served me a drink this past weekend, and he had at least one giant, notorious hickey

This got me thinking- why is it that the people I “regularly” see with hickeys do lots of drugs: (no stereotypes or sarcasm in here at all)
1. Mexicans – drugs…they're a little crazy, and they hump way too much (is there a lawn-mowing or hard-working comment/joke here?)
2. “Gays” – drugs and sex…what else do they do with their time?
3. Emo” kids – these are the druggies and cutters that we’ve all come to know and love (loathe)

Look, I am not saying that only people who use drugs give/get hickeys, because I think we’ve all been down that road a time or ten. I merely submit that regular drug use (and sex, obviously) leads to regular hickeys. There is obviously no other logical conclusion one might draw

Before I close, I just wanna hash out the 3 groups and their hickeys:
1. Mexicans – well, they are catholic and apparently have more sex than hugh hefner, so you mix cerveza with constant boom-boom, and these things are bound to happen…and as has been shown time and time again, they don’t really care how they look ;)
2. “Gays” – are hickeys like a press pass for them? I swear gay guys accentuate and flaunt their hickeys like their new diesels, when in fact they are scarlet (rainbow) letters
3. Emo kids – this is too easy…a hickey is really just like a bruise, and what self-loathing emo kid would turn down more indications of pain and suffering?

now if you'll excuse me, i'm gonna go get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions and maybe obtain some souvenirs of my own...

An interesting theory you have there. I would like to say something about hickeys and their [non]utility --

Bottom line; it's a terrible move, and I'll tell you why. If you're running a rotation of multiple women/men (like Bruce and I... think 2-10 and you'll be in the ballpark) you can't allow one of them to leave their mark on you. It's just bad business. It should be obvious. If girl 'A' stamps you and then you're fooling around with girl 'B' a few hours later (what, you can't keep my pace?) and she sees it, you're finished with girl 'B' "forever" [read: a few days; possibly weeks depending on your "level"] Is that the kind of operation you're running? I should hope not.

A good rule of thumb is no visible marks whatsoever. You don't want to be mid-deposit when she notices some foreign contusions on your thigh. That can only lead to dark, terrible places my friend. Avoid all hickeys, fingernail marks, lipstick smudges/smears/stains (you know where, since you're obviously not mouth-kissing), residual scents, black eyes/bloody lips (look, I don't know how you like to get down, and I don't judge...) and any other 'indicators' of a good time. Why would you want this? Are you advertising for this person? Wearing their logo around? Why are you lunatics trying to show these things off? You think it's some sort of trophy? A badge of honor? It's not. It's like a bad (drunken) tat f'n too. It's like leaving your fingerprints all over the murder weapon. It's insane! You're one step closer to prison, bozo. Bravo! I hope you've got a good lawyer.

As a disclaimer, I would like to add that we all make mistakes. Since you're obviously hooking up drunk (almost exclusively) you may not even remember allowing said "autograph". In the event of an emergency (ie. she discovers the emblem before you); deny deny deny. Tell her you bruised it playing polo. Tell her she did it drunk one night and just doesn't remember. Tell her it's tape-worm. Tell her you got "it" from a tractor. Tell her to 'finish'. Tell her anything--

That's it, I'm finished.