She always wears... Pink

msevier31: give me more to work with
Studlystuf: gimme the road map!
msevier31: exactly!
Studlystuf: i know where downtown is
Studlystuf: but, i dont live here, so whats the best way to get there during rush hour
msevier31: haha
Studlystuf: i can get there --- it just may take a while
Studlystuf: but you know this town - you know where i need to go
msevier31: yeah give me the locals' shortcuts
Studlystuf: exactly


This could get heavy. This might turn out to be graphic. This may go the way of TV-MA. This could take a while...

This is not a children’s book (though it should be, really). This is just an examination of a favorite past-time. This is for all you boys (and girls) who share in my appreciation, and/or obsession, for the seafood buffet via casa de pink. My thesis is this; does it get any better? Walk with me, brethren...

I wouldn’t dare claim to be a giver by nature, but setting up shop between the thighs of a beautiful young woman is nothing short of blessed. You’re unlikely to catch me at the local soup kitchen doing charity work for the less fortunate, but if tacos are on the menu and you’re looking for a volunteer, baby, I’ll be there all night, giving.

Before we get too deep, I should clear something up. This is not a purely altruistic endeavoring on my part. It may come as a shock to some of you, but I’m just not that munificent. I’ve never subscribed to the idea of “the greatest joy is helping others”. I’ve always been more of a “what’s in it for me” kind of guy. With that being said—the SECOND greatest joy is helping others. So, naturally, the only thing better than a night of “cunning bliss”, is you spending time below my equator.

So, what can ya say about the pleasures of camping out down at your local Y? Probably not a lot. But me, I can say loads…. Probably 1,300 words or so…

I’m wondering if most people (who partake) go in with a set routine. Having a game plan can’t be a bad idea, I guess, but it’s hard to stick with the same set list for every town you’re playing a show in. Am I wrong? Every chick is different (at least, it's in our best interest to continue to let them think that) and therefore responds to different stimuli. But, how does that NOT make it better? If you’re not up for the challenge, son, then just hang ‘em up and let the real men handle it. I’m a gladiator. I give new meaning to the term “weekend warrior”. I’m dedicated to the cause at hand-- I’ll do whatever it takes, as long as it takes. I’m a soldia’. You see, with a set inventory of moves, you run the risk that you’ll have what you think is a pure gold routine, and when you run it on a new “face”, it proves to be less than earth shattering. Regardless, I think having a general theme is a good place to start. If you’re a west coast offense kind of guy (girl) that’s fine… but you need to be prepared to change it up at the line of scrimmage, if necessary.

So, as far as developing a routine, I’m not sure that I can sign off on that, youngblood. I think adaptation is the name of the game. Let’s face it, no matter how good your catalogue is, even Wylie Coyote was willing to head back to the drawing board…

For example…I keep some “tools” at my disposal. I have a few ‘modus operandi’ that I keep on the back burner, able to put into action at any point. Since we’re talking about it; I think sometimes the mood calls for some build up. I like to call it “the slow burn”. You know what I’m saying. Let the fuse burn a while before the big bang. But, sometimes that just isn’t getting the job done and you just gotta dig in. Adapt. Overcome. Look, we all know women are all the same. (just one bitch with many faces) But you can’t treat their no-no spots all the same, and that’s a fact, Jack. So if you’re going to work the same repertoire on them all (you may as well just stay home), be prepared for some real disappointment. Would you go into Iraq without a plan to win the peace? I thought not…

Which brings me to my next point. How long should one spend in the trenches? The doctor won’t try to resuscitate someone indefinitely. Eventually, you just have to call it. There has to be a point where you throw the towel in and admit defeat. This isn’t a proud moment for any of us, but, let’s be honest; ultimately it’s their fault anyway. You could spend years down there and never achieve victory (lest we forget ‘Nam) but no one wants that. (Let me remind you, when it comes to dessert, you finish it all or you dont order any. There's no such thing as a 'moral vicotry'.) Frankly, your mouth is numb and she just wants to get some sleep (baby killer). But, lets say you’re gonna stick with it. That’s admirable, soldier, but how many marathons are you prepared to run? You’re not getting any younger. Me, personally, I’m making a note to self; “don’t hook up with this chick again” (unless she gives stellar head, which, at this point, you’re unlikely to get). If it’s your style, just knock the back out and go to sleep… in the dry spot (because you’ve earned it).

I’m not suggesting you set a time limit. Quite the contrary, with the good cliental I think spending a good 30-45 minutes downtown is perfectly warranted; but she should be cumming 3+ times. Some performances demand an ovation. Who wouldn’t enjoy being down there if you’re getting rewarded? Like I said previously; setting up shop at the fish market is amazing, but, if it’s not gonna happen, then it just becomes a chore. As I’ve also stated previously, charity is not the name of the game.

But, let’s say it’s a success. You win. T-minus nothing, we have lift-off, Houston. Then what? Now, not only is your hair a complete wreck (bitch, get off my product) but you don’t know where to go. Do you dive right back in? Do you give it a few minutes cool down and then go for another glazing at the doughnut factory? Or, is it just one and done and time for the ‘silkwood’ shower? Well, friends, I can’t answer this, because I haven’t been with your girl……. Yet. Personally, these are things I like to know before I clock in, but, the truth is, there isn’t video on everyone and some girls don’t even know what they’re capable of. (Steer clear of minors, R. Kelly.)

Then there’s the question of; Do I make noise? Do I talk? Well, once again I’m not (necessarily) familiar with the owner of your current equipment, but I’d say if it helps your cause, then give her some volume. Personally, depending on my mood, I don’t do much talking (if at all) once I strap in. A little pre-game chatter can do her body some good, but I don’t like to get carried away. However, I’ll make some noises if I feel like it’s beneficial. Some chicks just wanna get in the zone and concentrate, and you’re just gonna bother them with all the theatrics. Save it for the academy and just get back to work, Oscar. (Though, sometimes making some holla is good for business; a little encouragement that you’re enjoying yourself in the nether-regions). Whether the seafood is primo or not (you can always delete her from speed dial) you should create the illusion that you’re enjoying the meal. It’s just a good rule of thumb, especially if you’re looking for repeat business.

Before I close, this seems as good a time as any to address something that has been bothering me for a good many years. I’ve heard, "men dont do that" – Well, I beg to differ. I think that’s ridiculous. There's no good excuse (especially if kitty is sans whiskers). If I may borrow a Miller High Life slogan; heed the call of the Y chromosome, men. It is time. (Yes, I did just invoke the Champagne of Beers.) Men DO, do this. They should, anyway. You’re only cheating yourself, brother. You’re not selling out—You’re buying in. Remember that…