we're getting uglier and uglier
here's the deal. attractive people just dont make that many babies. look around - who's poppin out all the babies? ugly people (and mexicans). and in what direction is our country heading? too many ugly people (and mexicans)
you've got 3-6% of the population that is attractive. lets assume that not all of those people have children b/c theyre smart enough not to get a permanent scar like that. so at the absolute tops, maybe 5% of the attractive population has children.
a certain % of those people dont realize theyre attractive and procreate with someone who isnt up to snuff...which could result in less-than-attractive kids
then youve got the biological anomalies where two attractive people come together to create a troll...i dont make the truth, i just deliver it
so we're looking at a very small % of attractive people being brought into this world. meanwhile the ugly, toothless white trash people and every "ethnic" in the ghetto hump away like its their job (b/in a way it is...hello, welfare check! hello child credit!). and what a miracle! these are the most fertile people on the planet...awesome
we need some sort of communist regime to intervene here. ugly people show up at the hospital to deliver their kid...we'll deliver it, but WHOOPS, now your reproductive system is a barren wasteland (hey it was only a few years away from that anyways...) "who are you to play god?!" -- well, obviously more qualified than your ugly ass
ugly people, stop humping. there are enough of you already
let's talk about ugly for a minute.
there are no less than 4 tiers of [un]attractiveness.
You've got the best of the best, cream of the crop, top shelf, tiny fraction of the population that is just unreal. Think, Brad Pitt. See, the thing is, this is the "level" where looks are no longer subjective... at all. This is like textbook - "this person is beautiful." Done & done; there's no arguing about it. There's no, "not my type." These people; they're everyone's type. No matter what your taste - you love them. The big drawback here is that few people (if any) can maintain this level wire to wire. The odds are [heavily] against you to wear this crown from start to finish. Most people come and go. These people start their lives, usually in group 2, and at some point visit the upper ranks for a few years, when they're at their prime, and then they trickle back down. Shifta's Law - not to be confused with Newton.
Below that is the 2-4% of the population that is really good looking. This segment (of which our very own Bruce Dickinson is a member) is doing just fine. Most people would admit a high level of attraction, and really no one could make a case for them being ugly. It's at this level that [ambiguous] homosexual acts sometimes, randomly occur. No one is safe here. I dunno- - maybe you think Bruce is kinda cute and you guys have a few too many drinks, just let shit happen -- wake up in the morning with vague, clouded memories of a dick in your ass or yours in his, or... whatever. These people may not be at the top of everyone's list, but they're definitely on the list. These are, without question, the kind of people YOU [since your name isn't Shifta and you're probably not breaking into group 1) want to be "dating" [ha] They're [typically] insecure, unstable, shallow, and/or phony on some [many] levels. They're perfect.
Next is the remainder of the 3-6% of the population that's still dateable (by your standards, loser, not mine) They're attractive, to you. Some people may think they're incredible, others may not even look twice. Think; the myspace crowd. In the right lighting or at the right intoxication level, they appear finishable. They're not goblins, but their attractiveness depends on many factors.
1) level of inebraition
2) lighting
3) pixels (for online pictures)
4) personality -- yea, this is the level where that finally comes into play.. shitty huh? not to worry, it still isn't very important here
5) your other options -- this is like; you wouldn't need to pick up any under-achieving free-agents if you're already at the salary cap -- but if your starting QB goes down with a torn ACL, well.... any port in a storm, as they say. and, let's be honest - everyone needs a utility guy on the roster. just in case.... (are girls going to get any of these references)
6) emotional vulnerability (obviously, this only applies to women, as it is a permanent state for them. and this is also the big reason why you see douche-bags locking down semi-hott chicks...)
7) what you're used to. a lot of people grind it out, on their leather asses, at this level forever. this is where they find someone to marry and be miserable together. this will most likely happen to all of you. Let me be the first to say -- Congratulations....
--- there may be more reasons, but, I'm exhausted
Lastly -- the lepper group. These people... well. They pay for sex. They're rarely just ugly. Usually these people have it all. They're sometimes overweight, have some sort of odor problem, have no life but make a lot of money, OR they have absolutely no future whatsoever. This is like the left-overs pile. Drunk, high, depressed...whatever -- you're not hooking up with these kids. This isn't like a Bill Gates -- he falls into group 3, believe it or not. This is the lowest of the low (which, as Bruce pointed out, is growing in size) where the only saving grace would be personality; unfortunately these people have none. (I don't know that for a fact, but I do know that no one would ever take the time to find out... if a tree falls in a forest...) The only people that will ever love this last group is their parents, and that's only because they probably shared the same fate and are [somewhat] sympathetic.
you've got 3-6% of the population that is attractive. lets assume that not all of those people have children b/c theyre smart enough not to get a permanent scar like that. so at the absolute tops, maybe 5% of the attractive population has children.
a certain % of those people dont realize theyre attractive and procreate with someone who isnt up to snuff...which could result in less-than-attractive kids
then youve got the biological anomalies where two attractive people come together to create a troll...i dont make the truth, i just deliver it
so we're looking at a very small % of attractive people being brought into this world. meanwhile the ugly, toothless white trash people and every "ethnic" in the ghetto hump away like its their job (b/in a way it is...hello, welfare check! hello child credit!). and what a miracle! these are the most fertile people on the planet...awesome
we need some sort of communist regime to intervene here. ugly people show up at the hospital to deliver their kid...we'll deliver it, but WHOOPS, now your reproductive system is a barren wasteland (hey it was only a few years away from that anyways...) "who are you to play god?!" -- well, obviously more qualified than your ugly ass
ugly people, stop humping. there are enough of you already
let's talk about ugly for a minute.
there are no less than 4 tiers of [un]attractiveness.
You've got the best of the best, cream of the crop, top shelf, tiny fraction of the population that is just unreal. Think, Brad Pitt. See, the thing is, this is the "level" where looks are no longer subjective... at all. This is like textbook - "this person is beautiful." Done & done; there's no arguing about it. There's no, "not my type." These people; they're everyone's type. No matter what your taste - you love them. The big drawback here is that few people (if any) can maintain this level wire to wire. The odds are [heavily] against you to wear this crown from start to finish. Most people come and go. These people start their lives, usually in group 2, and at some point visit the upper ranks for a few years, when they're at their prime, and then they trickle back down. Shifta's Law - not to be confused with Newton.
Below that is the 2-4% of the population that is really good looking. This segment (of which our very own Bruce Dickinson is a member) is doing just fine. Most people would admit a high level of attraction, and really no one could make a case for them being ugly. It's at this level that [ambiguous] homosexual acts sometimes, randomly occur. No one is safe here. I dunno- - maybe you think Bruce is kinda cute and you guys have a few too many drinks, just let shit happen -- wake up in the morning with vague, clouded memories of a dick in your ass or yours in his, or... whatever. These people may not be at the top of everyone's list, but they're definitely on the list. These are, without question, the kind of people YOU [since your name isn't Shifta and you're probably not breaking into group 1) want to be "dating" [ha] They're [typically] insecure, unstable, shallow, and/or phony on some [many] levels. They're perfect.
Next is the remainder of the 3-6% of the population that's still dateable (by your standards, loser, not mine) They're attractive, to you. Some people may think they're incredible, others may not even look twice. Think; the myspace crowd. In the right lighting or at the right intoxication level, they appear finishable. They're not goblins, but their attractiveness depends on many factors.
1) level of inebraition
2) lighting
3) pixels (for online pictures)
4) personality -- yea, this is the level where that finally comes into play.. shitty huh? not to worry, it still isn't very important here
5) your other options -- this is like; you wouldn't need to pick up any under-achieving free-agents if you're already at the salary cap -- but if your starting QB goes down with a torn ACL, well.... any port in a storm, as they say. and, let's be honest - everyone needs a utility guy on the roster. just in case.... (are girls going to get any of these references)
6) emotional vulnerability (obviously, this only applies to women, as it is a permanent state for them. and this is also the big reason why you see douche-bags locking down semi-hott chicks...)
7) what you're used to. a lot of people grind it out, on their leather asses, at this level forever. this is where they find someone to marry and be miserable together. this will most likely happen to all of you. Let me be the first to say -- Congratulations....
--- there may be more reasons, but, I'm exhausted
Lastly -- the lepper group. These people... well. They pay for sex. They're rarely just ugly. Usually these people have it all. They're sometimes overweight, have some sort of odor problem, have no life but make a lot of money, OR they have absolutely no future whatsoever. This is like the left-overs pile. Drunk, high, depressed...whatever -- you're not hooking up with these kids. This isn't like a Bill Gates -- he falls into group 3, believe it or not. This is the lowest of the low (which, as Bruce pointed out, is growing in size) where the only saving grace would be personality; unfortunately these people have none. (I don't know that for a fact, but I do know that no one would ever take the time to find out... if a tree falls in a forest...) The only people that will ever love this last group is their parents, and that's only because they probably shared the same fate and are [somewhat] sympathetic.
posted by bruce dickinson at 4/08/2006 01:19:00 PM
5 comments
