god, marriage is dumb, and so is growing up

i feel pretty certain that at some point in the "illustrious" career of this horrible blog, we have touched on this topic. in fact, i would almost be willing to bet on it, except for the fact that i have alzheimers. but the good news is, at least i dont have...eh, nevermind, you know that joke.

so down at the apartment here in fort worth, i have some really nice neighbors who just got married. if i remember correctly, theyre 25 or 26. i think for many people, especially in the south, this is a very normal -- and perhaps even late -- age to snag those nuptials. now, im a 27 year old boy, but i know im not alone in my thinking here that this is still too young. looking back at the various progressions (read: regressions) i have made since the age of 18, i am simply stunned at what has changed. sure, at my evil core, i am probably the same, but through various experiences -- both positive and negative -- i feel like i have gone through some significant changes that almost definitely would have prevented a serious relationship from working, let alone a live-in/marriage type situation. oh wait, i know that has happened, since any meaningful relationship i ever had with a female fell apart. is it my fault? i dont know (yes)...but maybe its just a factor of growth and insight. all part of the giant compost heap that is my brain and my sociopathic persona.

of course, considering the changes that have taken place over the past 2, 4, 6, 8, or 10 years, one must consider how many of those changes are attributable to being single and carefree at various points in that time. its the chicken or the egg argument, applied to my (im)maturity. im sure you could easily argue that i wouldnt have experienced a lot of what i experienced if i had already been married years ago. the natural result of getting married is that you have less time to spend with your 'guys' and less time to go out to bars and get in trouble. think about it, married people become boring and predictable more often than not. saturday is brunch at your favorite greasy spoon. sunday is church or sleep in, maybe some yard work and relaxation. you get the point. now, when youre not married, you have the option of choosing from a vast group of people with whom to get in trouble or at least punish your liver. think about it -- how many friend groups or friend circles do single people have, versus those of married people. my brother got married at 26 (i think?), and he went to vegas for the first time in his life at age 28. now, compare that to me and the shifta. shifta has been numerous times more than i have, with his cut-up-du-jour or maybe some other friends that i dont even know about. either way, i think ive been 6 times now, and i have no intention of letting up soon. id go 4 times a year if the wallet could bear it. unfortunately, that isnt possible, yet. we'll get there. just as soon as this blog starts really paying off!! ;)

okay, now consider this -- ive also been on cruises, which my brother has never done. That could be a personality thing, or it could be attributable to his friend group as he got older, I don't know. Either way, these destinations provide ample opportunity for psorosis, herpes, and inside jokes. In addition to the male bonding (which importance I cannot stress enough), we have met various interesting males and females. Some of these meetings were innocuous, some downright hedonistic. This isn't happening if youre married, unless youre some sort of swinger couple -- which, shifta, i swear those 2 were on the plane ride out to vegas. That chick reminded me of an older, more washed up Camp. I know i mentioned it at the time, but let it sink in again, if you can dust away the cobwebs in your brain.

God, i just rambled. Thank you, Elijah Craig 12 year whiskey (thats 94 proof for those of you keeping score at home). I think it is appropriate at this time to mention that I am an ambassador for Maker's Mark whiskey, which obligates me, in some sense, to tell you to try Maker's Mark whiskey if you haven't. Oh, and if you have, I should remind you that there is a right time and place for Maker's Mark whiskey. The time is always; I'll let you figure out the place.

Back to where i was headed from the start. These neighbors of mine are constantly going to friends' weddings. My god, that has to get old. I am glad i'm just sociopathic enough to only have friends who aren't married and probably won't be getting married any time soon. Oh, and that I don't stay in touch with peripheral friends enough to get invited to their weddings. That's gotta be a serious character flaw in me, but boy does it pay dividends now. These poor kids have been gone basically every weekend of the summer between their friends and family getting married and their own wedding and honeymoon. How about, no thanks?

I think i prefer to just go to vegas with my guys, meet up with some chill cali chicks and make bad decisions, all while drinking entirely too much and gambling too much - wait, who am i kidding? as long as youre breathing, you cant do either of those too much. on that note, i think i need to look at ticket prices for getting back out to vegas. im starting to get DTs from not drinking or gambling enough.

gotta schedule that paternity (aids) test in the morning, too. dont let me forget.