when do the olympics start?

oh, you mean theyre going on right now? damn, i guess i was too busy watching the shows that beat the olympics out consistently. oops

i think we can all agree (well, except herpes-ridden ron mexico) that these olympics are irrelevant. is it b/c of the winter x games? is it b/c theyre in torino? (i had to go through torino a couple years ago. nothing great there) perhaps the tape delay kills everything? i dont have an answer, but i am more motivated to watch a rerun of wonder showzen than sit down and watch the olympics (unless i am hammered and/or with a female who somehow compels me to watch)

i wonder if it would be more popular or socially relevant if it were in this hemisphere? certainly being in a big city in this part of the world, where we could actually watch some events live, would add a little bit to the mix. even then, i cant think of much i would really be tuned in to watch.

bryant gumbel is an asshole. jay-kay, he hit it on the button, even though he decided to go a little stephen a smith with the "paucity of black athletes" but we already know that president bush and the rest of the world hate(s) black people

Do you think it becomes apparent to the Olympic peeps that their jig is up when every network is trying to lowball them for bids to get the coverage? Can you imagine being there for that? Instead of everyone throwing shitloads of money at the contract (like with the NFL for example), trying to outbid their rival networks; they're almost trying NOT to get it. It's like a shitty present at Christmas. You didn't really want it, but at least you came away with something?? "Oh, thanks Grandma, paisley pot holders... great!"

Where would you even begin your negotiations? I think I would be the kind of "realist" to start the bidding at $1. Because much higher than that and people are going to think you were just making a joke. ["Let's start the bidding "wars" at $100 million." Everyone starts to snicker...]

I wonder if anyone has ever tried to just get certain events. Like Jack/Travis/Rupert/Cornelius and Marla Singer splitting up the groups. "Ok you take brain parasites and I'll take the luge." Because if you're like me, you gotta believe that there are some (one, maybe two) events that people want to watch. But not even close to all of them. Basically, the whole thing together is shithouse, but if you could take out just figure skating or snowboarding or something and put that on your network, you'd be ahead. Way ahead.

I'll say this about the olympics; the germans are really controlling themselves. You gotta be a little disappointed about that. But just about the time I start to get down about it, I hear that Bode Miller blew another event, so I forget all about my pain.

What's the medal count for Iraq? They don't even have a team do they? I really don't know...

P.S. Have you EVER opened up an intact Butterfinger? I think every butterfinger I've ever bought has been crumbled in places. I open it and little bits and pieces start falling into my lap. What is up with this?! How many years have you been making candy bars? Obviously not enough people are getting upset about this...

okay first things first. no intact butterfinger (i was giggling incessantly by this point, and that just put me over the top). theyre stickin it to ya. STICKIN IT! lets extend this, though. have you ever eaten a baby ruth and not gotten crumbs everywhere? its like a practical joke. eat the candy bar, and youve got chocolate chunks going everywhere. though, the last time i had one of those, i think i was slightly on the tubby side, so it could have been my choco-lust encouraging me to eat too quickly...

iraq is too busy setting up the perfect democracy, modeled after the fine one we have set up here in the US, to participate in some trite olympiad. or the only snow they see is from the burned bodies and/or nuclear fallout. either way, im betting there are no iraqis doing the slalom

as for our motherland, germany, i think they must be on the same anti-depressants as paula abdul. either that or they finally convinced enough people that the holocaust never happened, so they can stop being militant and crazy all the time (and leave that to china, south korea, and stoned US snowboarders)

the olympics feature the greatest stage(s) for the world's greatest athletes. psyche. wake me up when normal programming has resumed

this could get messy, in a clean sort of way

public toilets. i think i could write a novel stating the obvious about them...so i'll save us all the easy jokes and "observations"

what i want to address are the robotic bathrooms that are all motion-related. i dont have much to say about the motion sinks, the motion paper towels, etc, except that a comedienne made a good point in noting that all of this is to avoid germs...then we have to touch that dirty handle to get out (who washes their hands in a public restroom, honestly?)

auto-flush urinals are great...they probably save on water, odor, etc. but come on, the actual toilets that are auto-flush? those damn things are so buggy, and im sure you ladies have more experience than us guys.
i always pee in the stall at the gym b/c of an oddly placed urinal that would allow the world to see my tiny penis (assuming their vision is good enough, and they dont blink at the wrong time). every time i walk into this stall, the toilet flushes...glad we've got a pre-pre-emptive strike there. not only that, but the thing splashes all over the place...water definitely clears the rim, so i can only imagine what sort of unsolicited bidet sensation occurs while youre hovering over your throne.
in my one experience on an auto-flush, i think it flushed at least every 30 seconds, maybe every 20. is it set to do this in case someone is launching a hiroshima-level attack? this isnt saving water, and frankly it pisses me off. it isnt that hard to lift your leg and push that little level with your shoe, is it?
i guess this irritation is worth it for all of us, though, thanks to the fecal artists who decide that their dump was so spectacular that they should let it marinate and remain on display until some poor bastard goes in there and has the courage (and olfactory fortitude) to withstand the offense and flush it down. we're really glad you dropped that rope. take a picture with your camera phone, and flush it...i dont wanna smell your expulsion 3 hours later

the point? there isnt one. i just wanted to talk about the splash-o-matic toilets, and how some pricks like to leave their artwork for the rest of us to enjoy. assholes