define good decision

so the clean urine post brought another bad idea to mind...

now without making any relationship judgments besides those prefaced here, i just want to present you with a situation:
pretend youre at a bar with your mate (i hate the term boyfriend/girlfriend, as well as significant other) or your "schmoopie" (sorry seinfeld "soup nazi" was on last night)...
its time to go, youre both relatively tipsy from another night of drinking your future away (not that there's anything wrong with that), and suddenly your schmoopie is feeling ill, and proceeds to puke it up in the parking lot

what comes to mind?
-walk away?
-take her inside?
-get her something to drink?
-hold back her hair (what are you, her friend?)
-"lets get married"

wait, what was that - puke...marriage, i dont get it, unless you get the same feeling thinking about marriage as witnessing someone tossing cookies (think: chain vomiting)

yes, this actually happened...and yes, i wish i were making it up
see my comment to the "clean urine article" about people not being allowed to marry and procreate at will

stay fierce, san francisco

Define Clean Urine

Did any of that just happen???
This story needs to be told. So bare with me--

I'm chatting online (as I often am) and an old friend IM's me and... ya know what, let me just paste it.

II pinkness lI: hey
Studlystuf: hey there
II pinkness lI: when was the last time you smoked pot
II pinkness lI: or did any drugs
Studlystuf: define drugs
II pinkness lI: well, i have a proposition for you. it's retarded.
Studlystuf: you want me to piss for you, right?
II pinkness lI: i'll come smoke you out if you piss for me
II pinkness lI: yeah!!
Studlystuf: hahaha

There are no less than 3 things worth noting here.
A) that I knew she wanted my piss before she said it
2) that, well, she needed my piss
3rd) no foreplay. she cut straight to the heart of it. i dig that about her--

On some twisted level, it's kinda flattering that she wanted MY piss, isn't it? Like, hey, I have clean piss, check me out! Woohoo! *doing my dance* (Then again, isn't that like congratulating some poor transient for going out and getting a job? You did exactly what normal people are EXPECTED to do!) Is it special that I don't do drugs? Is it impressive? (Is it lame?)

Then she's asking if my piss is definitely clean. Am i sure? Fuck, define clean, I dunno. I don't do drugs if that's what you mean. But is it void of all impurities/std's -- not likely! Though I may not do drugs; I do women. I'm not a preist... yet. Can I really be expected to take responsibility for the exact contents of my piss? Can I attest to its cleanliness? Yours is clearly tainted, so whatever I give you; Be Grateful! Besides, I haven't even agreed to this whole thing yet.

While we're on the subject... what's the call here? Is this something that I should even consider? Should I just say no way and be done with it? Or is it weird that I even have a problem with it? Is it a big deal, at all? Also, is it inappropriate for me to expect something in return for my troubles? Money? Sexual favors? Something? Should I even go there? Should she feel, in some way, obligated to offer said payment?

Bottom line, I chickened out. I couldn't do it. I couldn't perform. The whole thing just seemed too shady/uncomfortable. Sorry! Take me off your list...

So, anyway -- Tron came through! Did it for nothing, too. She got her piss, we got a story. Score one for the home team!

the "miracle" of life

So I just found out I am going to be a father – ha, just kidding. If I found that out, I certainly would not be writing this. I would either be pushing someone down some stairs or hacking at my wrists – but seriously…

I was thinking about it, and I never got to? had to? see that miracle of life video, or whatever it is they call that video they show impressionable teens to scare the shit out of them. Or was it to enlighten them? Somehow I think this video was a prelude to sex talks or sexual education (propaganda) something of the sort…I don’t know b/c I didn’t experience these things

Anyways, I think I feel pretty lucky to have missed this requisite (read: forced) sexual education…as the saying goes, there are just some things you can’t unsee. And no, I don’t know who deserves credit for that nugget…so I’ll give credit to Jesus

As for this “miracle” of child birth – I am sure it is “amazing” and life-changing, but probably not in the rewarding ways we wish it were, at least not to the observer. The chick has an adrenaline rush from hell, so she basically has an out-of-body experience…as for the suckers who have to watch it, there is no telling what sort of mutant, alien bullshit is coming out during *that*

That’s all for now ladies and gentlemen. Remember that our complimentary magazine is in the seat in front of you, right behind the air-sick bag, should you need either.

Thanks for stopping by (and stay classy)…but mostly thanks for stopping by

is it racist if i like the race?

so friday afternoon, i head out to the gym, and im nearing the end of my workout...i see 3 rather foreign asian "kids" walk in -- i say foreign just to point out the fact that they were clearly not americanized, and most likely exchange students or something...its germane, trust me

1 guy, 2 girls - clothes to only be described as hilarious on the girls -- guy was just wearing jeans and a tshirt...he kinda walks by me, looking at me almost like we're at a gay mixer (not that there's anything wrong with that), rolls up his sleeves, and proceeds to the lat pulldown machine

so many thoughts are racing through my head, including (half-joking, half-serious) "when are they pulling the camera out?" - granted this is probably a racist thought, a stereotype, whatever - but they were definitely giving off the "just browsing" look, not really ready to actually lift, so i dont feel bad for the stereotype at all (not that i would anyways)

and thats when it happens -- im in the middle of my set, and i see the camera...i somehow maintain my composure, and then i immediately look around for someone else to share in my glee...but alas, no takers

so everyone there either (a) missed it, (b) was too mature (highly unlikely), or (c) does not appreciate racial stereotypes being fulfilled nearly as much as me

why ARE asians so silly and awesome?

AIM is fun

msevier31: some people drink a fifth or a liter in a NIGHT
Studlystuf: who are these people
Studlystuf: and where can i meet them
msevier31: AA? abortion clinics? the morgue?
----true knocking


msevier31: work/school...just an excuse to drink
msevier31: something you do in-between drinks
msevier31: in-between orgasms
----beautiful


msevier31: you could convince her that the holocaust was the perfect solution, but just came up short
msevier31: wait that IS true
msevier31: umm...
msevier31: you could convince her that...you like "mouthkissing" and "talking" and "hanging out" with girls
Studlystuf: i dont think even i could convince her of something so untrue
msevier31: no i think you could
----you dont sell the steak, you sell the sizzle!


Studlystuf: is it daylight savings tonight?
msevier31: oh snap, extra hour of drinking
msevier31: youre on point!
----no sir, YOU are on point


BrOoKeNiCoLe86: you are amazing! you really are one of the most insightful guys ive ever met
----believe it or not, i hear this all the time from girls; only instead of "insightful" they use words like callous, disturbed, inappropriate, distasteful, offensive and really really ridiculously good-looking...


BrOoKeNiCoLe86: do you think movie-love really exists?
----absolutely! but not the kind of "love" you see in Hugh Grant movies; the kind you see in Adult Films...


AlistairWalford: Do you think they'll ever find a cure for your sickness
Studlystuf: god i hope not
AlistairWalford: Or is everyone else going to have to come around?
Studlystuf: "yes"
AlistairWalford: You should start a religion
AlistairWalford: Or maybe a cult
AlistairWalford: I know that plenty of people would join, and you would get a tax break
----the question you gotta ask yourself, is; Should he really be encouraging us?