money makes your life better, part 84

thats right, its a double feature today, bitches.

i was reading the tucker max ms vermont story, among other tucker max tales (www.tuckermax.com to give credit where it's due, not that your lazyass couldnt have googled it. asshole) and it made realize that money definitely allows you to have ridiculous game.

think about it, how many guys do you know who had shitty personalities and looked like gorillas, but managed to score chicks? i know you are thinking of at least a few, and the answer is money (or a big penis, but thats another post)...money is kind of an "in" until you figure out how else to woo this girl. hey wanna go to a nice dinner? we can go in a limo, and we can drink expensive wine and drop a couple hundred bucks (lobster = blowjob, right shifta?)
meanwhile, she may not be that interested, but hey quid pro quo. youre wining and dining, shes unzipping and slurping. its a symbiotic relationship for a while. additionally, she decides to spill her guts to you, so you know what shes sensitive about, where she's vulnerable, etc. a wad of fucking cookie dough

i also think the converse of this is true. having no money makes it hard to have game. you could be spitting fire like kevin federline in popozao and if you can only afford mcdonalds, well the unfortunate truth is that most girls arent gonna be too pleased. they (think they) deserve more. maybe they do, maybe they dont, but the issue is that theyre convinced that they do. plus theyve already thought about what it would be like to be married to you, or at least live together, and she simply cannot sink to that level.

these are not hard and fast rules, and as always there are exceptions. my point is money makes it a lot easier to game like kobe

gym etiquette: lessons 29 & 30

1. hey, ray charles, take off the fucking shades bro. youre inside. on an elliptical trainer. it isnt bright, and there's no wind sheer to account for. i could almost let it slide if you were running for like an hour on a treadmill bc then i could at least dismiss it to you trying to get used to running with shades on...but its like larry david said "only blind people and assholes wear sunglasses inside." fucking perv
2. when did it become okay to go tanning and then hit the gym? do yourself and everyone else a favor and go after the gym, or at least rinse off afterwards. i know my workout is taken to a whole new level when you prance by smelling like malibu rum and burned hair. asshole

for those of you who think i am racist or misogynistic, i will gladly state for the record that these offenders were both caucasian males...not that it should matter b/c this shit is offensive, regardless of gender or race

--nooch

just wanted to apologize

to anyone who has ever been offended by anything on here.
i'm sorry that you chose to come here, and that you chose to continue reading something that offended you. the unfortunate part about this here internet is that it does not allow someone to exercise free will...you actually dont know this, but you did not have a choice to click the link or type the URL into your browser. and you definitely did not have the opportunity to click that red X in the upper right hand corner of the screen (or alt-f4 for you computer nerds)
you also had no choice but to be uptight, take things too seriously, miss blatant sarcasm, or infer otherwise-unintended malice. or maybe you were right on in acting/feeling that way.
either way, we're sorry it bothered you so much. but it's good to see you made your way back here to keep reading, even if you grit(ted) your teeth while doing so

picture this

you're a virgin. youve somehow managed to escape all those close calls (by the grace of whatever). youre in your 20s, prime age to be humpin around...but you still value that V card and would like it to be special and memorable
so, you get blackout drunk. you hook up with a random guy. you get an STD. and pregnant. now what?
granted, i dont know anyone this has happened to, but at least some of these things have to happen in tandem from time to time right? can you imagine if you lost your virginity, got an std, and got pregnant or impregnated a girl all in one fell swoop?
if you do that, youre not a player, son. you're an all-star

You feel the need to air my dirty laundry here, asshole?

she told me she loved me -- I thought she was a nice girl...