drugs give you hickeys

So a gay guy served me a drink this past weekend, and he had at least one giant, notorious hickey

This got me thinking- why is it that the people I “regularly” see with hickeys do lots of drugs: (no stereotypes or sarcasm in here at all)
1. Mexicans – drugs…they're a little crazy, and they hump way too much (is there a lawn-mowing or hard-working comment/joke here?)
2. “Gays” – drugs and sex…what else do they do with their time?
3. Emo” kids – these are the druggies and cutters that we’ve all come to know and love (loathe)

Look, I am not saying that only people who use drugs give/get hickeys, because I think we’ve all been down that road a time or ten. I merely submit that regular drug use (and sex, obviously) leads to regular hickeys. There is obviously no other logical conclusion one might draw

Before I close, I just wanna hash out the 3 groups and their hickeys:
1. Mexicans – well, they are catholic and apparently have more sex than hugh hefner, so you mix cerveza with constant boom-boom, and these things are bound to happen…and as has been shown time and time again, they don’t really care how they look ;)
2. “Gays” – are hickeys like a press pass for them? I swear gay guys accentuate and flaunt their hickeys like their new diesels, when in fact they are scarlet (rainbow) letters
3. Emo kids – this is too easy…a hickey is really just like a bruise, and what self-loathing emo kid would turn down more indications of pain and suffering?

now if you'll excuse me, i'm gonna go get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions and maybe obtain some souvenirs of my own...

An interesting theory you have there. I would like to say something about hickeys and their [non]utility --

Bottom line; it's a terrible move, and I'll tell you why. If you're running a rotation of multiple women/men (like Bruce and I... think 2-10 and you'll be in the ballpark) you can't allow one of them to leave their mark on you. It's just bad business. It should be obvious. If girl 'A' stamps you and then you're fooling around with girl 'B' a few hours later (what, you can't keep my pace?) and she sees it, you're finished with girl 'B' "forever" [read: a few days; possibly weeks depending on your "level"] Is that the kind of operation you're running? I should hope not.

A good rule of thumb is no visible marks whatsoever. You don't want to be mid-deposit when she notices some foreign contusions on your thigh. That can only lead to dark, terrible places my friend. Avoid all hickeys, fingernail marks, lipstick smudges/smears/stains (you know where, since you're obviously not mouth-kissing), residual scents, black eyes/bloody lips (look, I don't know how you like to get down, and I don't judge...) and any other 'indicators' of a good time. Why would you want this? Are you advertising for this person? Wearing their logo around? Why are you lunatics trying to show these things off? You think it's some sort of trophy? A badge of honor? It's not. It's like a bad (drunken) tat f'n too. It's like leaving your fingerprints all over the murder weapon. It's insane! You're one step closer to prison, bozo. Bravo! I hope you've got a good lawyer.

As a disclaimer, I would like to add that we all make mistakes. Since you're obviously hooking up drunk (almost exclusively) you may not even remember allowing said "autograph". In the event of an emergency (ie. she discovers the emblem before you); deny deny deny. Tell her you bruised it playing polo. Tell her she did it drunk one night and just doesn't remember. Tell her it's tape-worm. Tell her you got "it" from a tractor. Tell her to 'finish'. Tell her anything--

That's it, I'm finished.

cornucopia of emotion (a thanksgiving tribute to breaking up)

this is for you shifta, and i'd like to think we had something to do with it, though i think even i could only claim the very smallest amount of "responsibility" here

the aforementioned getting-married-this-summer (and doesnt like PTI) guy told me he's not getting married any more, so the reaction is of course "i'm...sorry(?)"
of course he knows my MO (thats modus operandi for you non-scholars), and he expected the reaction...but i think we can all be happy about his pre-nuptial enlightenment, even if the chick was cool and could drink her bodyweight in beer

but this raises so many other questions -- how DO you react? you gotta be supportive of your boy goin through some shit, but you also gotta celebrate a huge victory for "team awesome" when one of the tagged ones is re-released into the wild
does this automatically qualify him for the captain of conversion? i mean he's been down that road, facing one vagina for the rest of his life, but he was smart enough to back out before it was too late. can we use this to enlighten others? should we even bother?

so, i think im partially responsible b/c i know it was a reminder of his past indiscretions (read: enjoyment/freedom to get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions), and i could swear there was a glint in his eye today that i hadnt seen before...i get the feeling that if there were more attractive females at his disposal, it would be freedom/fuckfest 2k6, but maybe it will be anyways

thats my man of the week- there arent too many better ways to ameliorate yourself than breaking up an engagement...now we need to move to phase 2: debauchery and wanton sexual activity
----we salute you, mr. break-off-your-engagement man


I think your "I'm sorry" was the appropriate response. And by appropriate, I mean what tactful and empathetic people would do. And by tactful and empathetic, I mean boring. Which is in contrast to my completely predictable "hm, typical" reaction. Oh wow, young kids getting engaged and NOT actually getting married -- where have I seen this before? Oh yea! Everywhere! Couldn't have called that one. I find that if you say that about every engagement (Psh, they'll never get married) then you're going to be right 70-80% of the time. I'll take those odds, playa. It's so trendy to be engaged these days (no fucking idea why) but so terrifying (for men) to actually go through with it. (Not to mention that women will seek out multiple opportunities to go cra.... get upset about... whatever. So sometimes they are the ones breaking off the engagement. But, as we all know, if the girl breaks it off, that just means they're getting back together in a few days; a la no conviction to be 'alone'. But if the guy does it, chances are its fade to black, over & out.)
I don't want to rant about marriage too much (why? for one, I value my sex life. for two, I want to address your post, Bruce.) But, if I may be allowed to drift, slightly--
Look, since we can all agree that marriage is an unnatural state; why are people still doing it? This boggles the mind. The best I can figure; women get married for 6 reasons:
1) Stability
2) The ring
3) Cos all of their friends are doing it
[btw, all of those constitute one giant umbrella reason; validation]
4) Estrogen
5) Babies
6) Denial
There you have it!
(let me just say, I was gonna leave it at this, but I'm playing with fire here. I don't think it would be wise for my aformentioned sex life to just point out the "good" reasons women get married. So I'm gonna have to pick on the XY crowd a little) As for reasons why men get married; still can't pin that one down. But I'll give it a shot...
1) Guaranteed sex for a while
2) You can wear whatever you want at this point
3) Cheating is just more fun than normal hook-ups
4) Tax break
5) You can wear whatever you w.... you get the point
I guess it's so they'll have something to live their lives around? Some guys are convinced (by 'her' and by 'it' and by his family) that they've "found a good one". Oooookkkkk, but how good? Good enough to volunteer for a life sentence? I'm not sure how this works. How is this not prison? If you showed me a tiny 3x3 foot jail cell, and said I had to live in that the rest of my life; but the "upside" was that my best friend was also gonna be in there with me; I'm definitely signing up for that. No!
What about if it's a luxurious mansion with an all-inclusive hollywood hills lifestyle, you girls are asking. Well, am I allowed to visit other homes? Can I leave the hills for a week if I want? Is there any international travel involved? The answer is obviously "no, no, and no!" Mmmm, I think I'm gonna have to turn this one down too. ("Even the Garden of Eden was just a big fancy cage.")
Alright, let's get back on the track. I derailed up there...
Did you offer the kid any words of encouragement? I would have. Explain to him that there's gonna be punani galore for the next few weeks. (especially at that SMU brothel, I mean, law school) You never know how many femmes were "waiting it out". Hoping, praying that the engagement would "wear off" or "run its course" (like a bad trip on blotter) and he would be single again. AND on the rebound. Play it up, oscar. Clock in, play the part of the man in despair, knock the dust off your no-no part and thank the academy when it's all over.
I like that he's your man of the week. It's interesting that he went from the lowest of lows on our scale of cool (getting engaged) to the highest of highs ("getting" single/awesome).
This reminds me of my last post about wedding gifts. Is there any chance he could/should get some gifts out of this? Breaking it off, I mean. I think that deserves something (other than all the play he's gonna parlay this into). I would suggest condoms, but we know only sailors and -- well, just sailors I guess -- use condoms!
I too salute you! Thanks for coming back to the dark side. Even though I don't want the extra competition, seeing as though you actually got engaged, you're clearly not competition for me; not quite up to this level, kid. (you may be back on the shelf, but not the TOP SHELF)