"your" not smart (aka selective eugenics)

well, its official...you shouldn't have children

what i am talking about is the overwhelming number of people who use "your" instead of you're...and no im not talking about an occasional typo. i am talking about college-educated people who cannot get a simple grammatical concept that is generally conveyed around the 5th grade (or in utero to badasses like us)

i get this "your" thing in email form, posters, IMs, everything - is it really that difficult? i realize this is a pet peeve of mine, but i feel justified in ranting about it b/c its such an easy way to make yourself look less-than-educated. frankly, its just one small step from the "ur" type teen talk, and we know only 13-year old sluts and uneducated pedophiles use that language (not that there's anything wrong with that)

theyre/there/their you go, depending on how retarded you are today. im too lazy right now, but do yourself a favor and look up selective eugenics on wikipedia (hint: it relates to earlier posts and how certain people should not be allowed to procreate...and not in the aryan/selective, superior race sort of way, but that would be spectacular if anyone wants to petition for it)

what are "youre" thoughts?


hey, I'm fully w/u on this 1. I think ur totally on 2 something here. (not so much the "your/you're" issue, but moreso the "cultural cleansing" thing. I like it. I love it. I want some more of it?? I think it's something I could get behind... again)
Actually, I did want 2 say a little something about ur beef. It wasn't really something I would have been 2 angry about b4, but now that u've brought it out in 2 the open; I concur, doctor.
I would submit 2 u, that people (if u want 2 call them that) substitute the "ur" b cuz they r unsure about which form of "your[you're]" 2 use. When in doubt, just put "ur". How do u feel about that? And, honestly, I would almost prefer that I get the "ur" instead of the wrong form of "your[you're]", wouldn't u? At least that way we can all maintain the illusion that ur intelligent; just trying to save time. If u come @ me w/the wrong form of "your[you're]" then not only are u NOT trying 2 save time, but also ur a lunatic &, most likely, some sort of crime against nature.
And no, it will never get old; correcting "those" people. It's a pleasure, really. And since we all know that life is just 1 big pleasure grab; u would be remiss 2 pass up an opportunity 4 some.

Speaking of death

Bruce--
Your recent 'questions' post brought something to mind. Walk with me...

Let's say you DO in fact go through with it, take the plunge, survive, and get married (like your friend may do) but then it doesn't work out. (I know, wouldn't THAT be shocking...) What's the call on all the gifts?

I'm not sure what the proper procedure is here. (Not that I worry too seriously about doing anything "properly") If you get the marriage annulled, say a week later, then yea, I think you should really consider returning all the gifts, right?
But what if 3-6 months down the road you decide you REALLY wanna sleep with other women at some point in your life, and you pull the plug on the marriage and abandon ship. Then what? Do you get to keep anything? (besides your newly re-acquired balls) You did put in some time behind bars, right? Shouldn't you get something for your troubles? Maybe you just get an "E" for effort, but no presents? If so, that's really disappointing. Also, what if the two of you have acquired possessions "together"? You know that bitch is leaving with half your shit (I say "your shit", because I'm making the assumption that you paid for everything -- if this isn't the case, then you need to click your heels and ride into the sunset. You're a free man and you don't owe her a thing -- no, not even an explanation, pussy). So if she is indeed getting half of your stuff, shouldn't you get dibs on that brand new burberry carry-on? What about all the luggage? Is she really gonna use it? I mean, have they even invented a bag big enough for her? Do you have a claim to any of the cool shit?

Actually, did I just refer to wedding gifts as "cool shit"? What is wrong with me?
Be honest with yourself, fellas. You're not getting SHIT out of this deal. Unless you're really interested in punch bowls and cake mixers and bedding. Blah!

I think this entire post is a moot point, and a waste of your time. I apologize. There's no way you would even consider keeping any of the bullshit weddings gifts even if it was acceptable to. The chick might want to hang onto a few things, but if they let her keep them what are the chances that she goes fully "double x" and burns 'em or throws them out a window or something insa.... questionable?

Ok, so let's recap. If you get married, you're gonna get a bunch of crappy "household" items that you hope your wifey learns how to use. If it doesn't work out (ie. if you get caught) within a week, you're definitely gonna have to part with your new spice rack. Tough loss! If you survive the initial tremors but it all goes to shit 6 months down the road, it MIGHT be acceptable to hang onto some gifts, but you most likely won't want to (unless you're thinking "pawn shop = liquor money" in which case you're right, and I love you). So.... basically, you are getting nothing out of this deal. Congratulations bozo!

-----


why do you have to even go that far with the dirty "M" word?
anyways, i say in all circumstances, youre keeping the gifts -- too hard to return it all, so get santa's sleigh and take all the good shit before she can claim it...let her have the expensive, worthless crap (crystal goblets that stay in your cabinet for 40 years? serving tray made from the pubic bones of virgins? on second thought, better keep that one..)
now, the time youre married is going to determine whether the gift-givers hold an absurd grudge against you or not...and it is likely determinative of the quality of gift youre gonna get should you make mistake #2 and plunge again (how do the polar bears jump back into the frigid waters the second time? it CANT get any easier, and we know what happens to the wedding tackle shortly after the plunge...)

luckily, i have the solution to all the problems...a brooklyn wedding (think: I WILL GUT YOU LIKE A FISH!), cash gifts...not shady at all, right?
no one is asking you to return cash...b/c anyone shady enough to ask for cash is likely not to return it without a scuffle
also, with cash, you can immediately go to vegas, strip clubs, etc...buy weedspeedandX, you know the drill

by the way, if you dont go the cash route, i trust that if you ever settle down (she better be fuckin amazing), you will be stickin "cool shit" on the wedding list, b/c youre not gonna marry someone that impractical right...i mean even a HOOVER cant be worth that much, can it? (i actually am inconclusive on this question)
so stick a badass stereo system on there, that strinne-green striped sofa, or that hoverbike youll never use, but looks great

im rambling, so im stopping...but hey, what do you say if neither of us has made such a grievous mistake in the next 20 years, we hook up?

questions du jour (its the questions of the day)

mmm, that sounds good - ill have that

1. i realize youre like a cherub or (perhaps more importantly) the girls we like to hook up with, in that you have relatively little or no body hair. but does yours bother you at all? do you shave the pits?

2. one of my boys down here is getting married in summer (why am i friends with people like this? he's also the anti-PTI guy, if those can possibly be correlated), and he has a motherfuckin ass sonar like you wouldnt believe - this guy is spottin nice asses like costanza spotting raccoons (those were mailboxes you idiot), but unlike costanza, he actually delivers.
is this normal? acceptable? awesome? deplorable isnt in my vernacular for things of this nature...also, i know what you might be thinking. no, his chick isnt fat or ugly. quite the contrary, actually, so we know he isnt settling. still not sure why he'd wanna be tied down, but whatever

3. If a small female or child is a black belt, should i even care? Is there any reason i should be afraid of this person?

4. Why do tortilla chips put a "recipe" for nachos on the bag? There arent too many surprises in your basic nacho, and i certainly havent seen any appearing on a 2 dollar bag of tortilla chips. Chips, meat/beans, cheese, etc. Give me something new and exciting, or dont waste time. Casserole maybe? Awesome way to throw them like a ninja and kill a man?
I dont think Im asking too much here...

drop a beat, drop a beat

I like where your heads at.

It's true that I am a hairless breed. I'm finally showing some chest sprouts and I can grow a 'stache and goat (or what resembles one) in about 2 weeks. Not bad, eh! But, the hair that I do have doesn't bother me at all. My pit hair is actually very thin and very soft. It's like little feathers underneath there. So I have no problem with it.
Arms and legs - not very hairy, either. So again, not a problem.

Your friend that is getting married; look, it doesn't make ANY difference whatsoever if the girl is hott or not. Fat or skinny. Bottom line; he's getting married, therefore he is settling on some level(s). You know we could talk for days about this; but me thinks our libidos would revolt against us. Who knows how many women are reading this thing?
Also, the mere thought of someone who doesn't like PTI makes me wanna punch said person in the throat. He's clearly very confused about life.

Dude, we could (and would... again) thump on little kids and chicks, even if they came at us in a fury of martial arts, foul language, and hormonal rage. It ain't even a question. Rekonize!

Tortilla chips? Who even has the time to make nachos? Just gimme some dip/salsa and let's get this party started.

This response was really forced and subpar, but that's because the season (and maybe series) finale of laguna beach is starting in like 2 minutes! Commercial free, baby!
I love you kristen! And I know you give stellar head AND swallow! Nooch!