chicks who wear basketball shorts

first of all, im not talking about those who wear them around the house. i am talking the ones who wear them to go out in public. maybe the grocery store, maybe the gym. it doesnt matter.
i submit to you that not a single normal female wears basketball shorts in public. now, i know what youre thinking. youre either thinking "hey, i wear basketball shorts in public, and im normal!" or "theres nothing normal about ANY female." im talking about the sliding scale specifically for females here, so of course you have to consider it all relatively.
ive never met a normal female who wore basketball shorts out in public. drug problem? extra crazy? raging whore? "yes" ...just think about the ones you know or have seen. something is a little extra "special" about them, right?
on the same token, why do female basketball players walk like guys? i realize a good (great?) number of female ballers are flannel-wearing rugmunchers, but even the straight ones walk like guys. is this b/c they spend all their time around the "boys" at the gym, tryin to be as good as them? so they pick up their mannerisms? do tomboys naturally gravitate towards (cooters) basketball? i want answers, people.
will some of you dykeass ballers help me out here?

can i get a courtesy flush over there?

so i traveled to lake city, colorado, recently for my mother's wedding. i love weddings (i love sarcasm even more). i flew from DFW to denver, denver to gunnison. the flight from denver to gunnison might as well be called the vomit comet...i swear to god they should hand out xanax to every passenger...it would go a long way, trust me. half the people get off the flight looking like they just saw someone raped and murdered. its rough stuff, especially for pussies like me who inherited an incredibly weak stomach. thanks, owen and bonnie!
im getting off topic, but i thought it warranted a bit of air time. thanks to some quality airport food, i found myself in the classic gastrointestinal dilemma -- im in public, in an airport, and my stomach is about to explode. one of those classic moments they recreate in commercials where your stomach actually expands from indigestion or gas or whatever. yeah, thats gross...but youve been there, so you know what im talking about. so, i got brave...
well, lets be honest. its not bravery when youre to *that* point. its survival...anyways, this leads me to my point. i dont think youll find a public bathroom running more rampant with disgusting gaseous noises than an airport bathroom. thanks to auto-flush, the smell isnt overwhelming, andy dufresne-style. but here's why i dont think youll find people doing more damage than an airport bathroom:
people are traveling, so there may be some stress. people generally do not eat that well when they travel. people often eat quicker when theyre on an airplane or in an airport. and finally, and probably most importantly, youre not gonna use an airport toilet to deuce up unless you really have to go. this all adds up to an orchestra of butt trumpets.
dont act all high and mighty. you know exactly what im talking about