sooner magic!

i wrote a long post that timed out and lost what i wrote as a result, so im just going to briefly sum it up (feel free to lay some green on me, reply-style, bs)

heupel/hybl years - our offense wasnt that good, but the defense was amazing, so the offense still looked "good" in a way - lots of game-saving/game-changing turnovers, huge defensive stops, and defensive scores, etc during those years...just badasses with swagger that carried us when our offense sputtered

then the white years - ponies on offense, defense still pretty good, and trying to keep that swagger from prior years - missing mike stoops horribly

now - inexperienced and ineffective offense...inexperienced swiss-cheese defense, even though our front 4 seem 'ok' ... so when offense sucks, defense doesnt bail us out, and when defense sucks, its questionable whether the offense will answer

which is why i said there was no way OU would cover the spread against baylor (of course im not always right b/c i thought tech would cover the spread against UT)

speaking of UT - theyre the only top 10 defense AND offense in the country...is this b/c theyre that good, or b/c the big 12 is that bad? its something to think about...(the easy answer is "combo of the two" but thats a copout)
--bd


To be honest, this subject bores me. I'm so over it. Every Saturday is a crap shoot, in my opinion. Win, lose; no outcome is going to SHOCK me. We are what we are, and that is not very good and inconsistent. Fine.

UT is that good, btw.

You're certainly aware that the NHL season has started... right? haha *box it out*

What happened to my 'Stros last night? Pity...

over it, huh? is that like being "so over" a bff? for some reason, i have difficulty believing you...

NHL? is that one of those affirmative action groups? you lost me ;)

i didnt catch more than a few minutes of the game, but the summary i got was that oldman fireballer had a bad hammy (quick barry, get him some cream and clear, stat!) and that joe crede pulled a 50-cent (p.i.m.p) for the chisox

on a different note, i was thinkin at the gym -- say you bought in to a poker game for 20 bucks and the guy who won was just a friend of a friend that you had only met that night...if he died in a car crash on the way home (with your money in hand!), would you be pissed that he won? im pretty sure i would be...
--bd

Well, the NHL isn't supposed to be an affirmative action group -- but, technically, yeah, they are. It's not 'racial' affirmative action, it's "sportal." (and that's my word, and yes, any of you can use it, just send my ass a nickel) Other sports MAKE money, like baseball, football, boxing, basketball ... actually, I think that's it. (there are those who would say, "What about golf?! Golf makes money!" Yes... but so does brain surgery (lots) -- but that's not a sport, it's just a "difficult activity" that also happens to be what you do for a living......... like golf.)
So, essentially, since the NHL is ashamed of their bottom line, but we still have to have it, (the government pays for their facilities to be built) then yes, it is an affirmative action group. but, wow, what a great "sport." *box that one out* ......... hello canada. Thanks!

The Astros lost, but I refuse to make excuses for The Rocket. In my apartment, with my roomate, when the announcers said he was "limping" into the clubhouse, I made it clear that I would not accept excuses about his performance and that he would not give any. For his part, that's easy, because he never has and never will. But for my part -- I love Roger Clemens; the best starter in baseball history -- I refuse to accept an excuse for his performance. If you're hurt -- truly hurt -- then you shouldn't be out on the field. That's not being tough, or "being a soldier." That's being a detriment to your team. You should put your team first. (like us with men vs. women) But I hate that Roge' (soft g) didn't get it done.

But then, wow... Andy gives what he can (in game 2); not great, but good. Then his offense (behind the under-appreciated Wheeler) takes the lead from Chi-town in the top of the 8th... and you gotta believe it's over. Game 3 in Houston, series tied 1-1. Wow... NO! The sox tie it up. Great!
Then it's the 9th inning. I'm glad Houston didn't feel any urgency to score a run going into the 9th. Lidge comes in (ok, fine... pujols hit a game winning shot -- in the NLCS -- that still hasn't landed, but you are sure you want this guy on the rubber in the 9th. yeah, this might not turn out well.) So Lidge does it AGAIN. When you leave a breaking ball UP in the zone, prepare to be owned, buddy. We (as badasses) like to call that the "hang it & bang it" ball. End of story... Lidge leaves one belt high for 'sednik, and the walk-off homer turns my TV off. Super...

and now for something completely...the same

1. we're all familiar with the concept of the "ragefuck" aka punishfuck, in europe (which sounds even more awesome and demeaning) by now i think --- can you rage-masturbate? does sexual asphyxiation fall somewhere in here?
these are questions that need to be answered

2. thanksgiving -- do you have mac n cheese? mashed potatoes? meat other than turkey?
(my answers are no, but for some reason it sounds good. the past few years we have. and none up to this point)

i expect comments and a reply from shifta on this...mostly b/c i dont want to do anything law related, and i want something interesting to read

I'm not even sure where to begin -- whether to answer your questions or address the REAL issue; your [un]healthy obsession with masturbation.

Rage-masturbation happens, I'm sure. Not in the form of putting a belt around your neck, but in the spirit of "I'm so drunk and I JUST wanna get off!" So you go to task on little hitler & the nazis until you're bleeding... I mean, until you get your kit off.

I think perhaps I have had macaroni on Thanksgiving. I've killed too many brain cells to accurately recall anything before "JUST NOW." (you should appreciate that, bruce) I always have mashed potatoes, mandingo. So delicious. And my family also pulls out the Ham. I usually get a piece or two of swine and a piece or ten of turkey, towers of taters and gravy for days. Mmmm...

two quick questions

do monks and nuns still masturbate? or are they not even allowed to get carpal tunnel from a world of self-pleasure? i'm too lazy to google this, and i want some opinions anyways

recently i bought some bodywash that i thought smelled good at the store, only to get it home and think it wasnt nearly as good as it was at the store (and i probably wouldnt even use it except that its big, and i paid for it) -- how does this happen? do i continue to use?

shifta, feel free to write back in response to these, too...or toss your own random musings up
--bd


I could go either way on the first one.

1) monks masturbate more than you know who... they MUST! how could you not; that's the thinking here. plus, A) how are you gonna claim to ever be truly enlightened if you're NOT partaking in this form of expression. and B) can you imagine the frustration and misplaced animosity brewing in a place full of men that aren't getting any sort of 'release'? I can...

2) no way! they've never jerked, and likely will never jerk. and here's why-- If these guys had ever discovered the truly magical world that is having an orgasm, there's no way they're choosing a life sans booty. You know how addictive that stuff is! You get a taste, and you gotta have more... in our case, a LOT more.
(the exception to this rule is that some people are goblins. and i would submit to you that there is a very high percentage of ugly monks, as opposed to good looking monks. so even if you love getting your jollies off, you probably realize that choosing a life of spiritual enlightenment is the better deal -- more fulfilling -- because you're not really giving up any play anyway-- at least, none worth having -- because chances were good that there was going to be very little in your future.)

I'd comment on your other thought, but I just can't focus while I've got this image of you in the shower. I like it-- and that coupled with all the masturbation talk.. umm.. I'll be right back...

--update 4:00 eastern--

1) (a) enlightenment does seem to come in only a few precarious situations - showers, shits, and sex(ual gratification)
(b) i think we've seen what effects such conditions can have on walls...maybe they have punching bags in monasteries?

2) while id like to accept your "no jerk" theory, it just doesnt work for me - isnt it human nature to figure out what that bizarre appendage is and to do things to it that feel good? i mean i dont think bears and tigers sit around talking shop on masturbatory techniques, but i guarantee theyre strokin their bits n pieces against something if theyre not bangin ol mr or mrs furrycrotch

the exception seems to be much easier to swallow (i bet we sound really gay talking about masturbating monks and showers and swallowing, but whatever, its unintentional) - goblins embrace that religion thing and cling like grim death for the all important self-denial...its really powerful, and you know this b/c we co-authored the book on it - "oh im ABOVE the cretons who debase themselves with masturbation and wanton sexual activity" or im too ugly, but its much easier to say that i gave it up
can you give something up that you never really had, though? something to ponder

and when you get done playing 5-on-1 in pleasuretown, i still want a bodywash answer


Body wash... what can I say? I think I need more information. is it a bad smell -- did it go from good to bad? does it actually smell different than it did, in the bottle -- or is your body chemistry mixing oddly with it? maybe your beak is just messing with you? perhaps there's just a glitch in the matrix...

I'd say stop using it. Just on principle. We're both descriminating hipsters and we like to indulge ourselves with a few of the finer things in life. Maybe that brings up questions about our sexuality, and maybe it doesn't - Let them judge us. All I'm saying is, you feel that you deserve the best, and you should not settle for less. So, throw that motherfucker away just in an act of decadence and go buy something that really flips your switch.


it has that hotel soap smell, which isnt bad, but i dont like it - definitely smells different than in the store...i was totally turned on by the smell and the fact that it is pump-top instead of a squirter...totally easy
but i really wanna get rid of it - and not b/c im metro, or that it even smells that bad...it just doesnt smell as good as it should, AND it lacks the minimum masturbatory viscosity that one might need in there
so essentially, it isnt good for ANYTHING


like A-Rod in October....