goin muddin: life on the hershey highway

if you didnt figure out the subject matter of the post from the title, maybe this post isnt for you. move along, rev (you too, mom!)

we're talking a delicate and sensitive subject here, but i wont say taboo for a few reasons. i hate people saying shit is taboo (its like when everyone used to say what was and wasnt PC...it made me want to give them giant paper cuts in the groin/perineum area, but i digress). anal sex really isnt that taboo any more. and finally, since when is anything taboo on the blog?

aright suckas, may wanna get those highwaters on, cuz this could get deep (like you hopefully will when you go down the HH. more on this later)

im going to operate under the assumption that you dont hook up sober, so that covers one of the bases of buttsex, unless youre gay, in which case all rules are thrown out. might i say that its probably a good idea to drink a little extra when going this path? hopefully it will relax you, as relaxation is key. if you fight it, youre gonna end up feeling more like ed norton in american history x than a sexually enlightened being. and lets be honest, you AINT cool unless you (pee your pants?) have buttsex.

if you have a coolass chick, it wont take too much coercion. if you have a stubborn one and you REALLY wanna do it, might i suggest that you either keep pressing her on it, or [threaten to] go elsewhere for it. i think comedienne monique said something along the lines of "what you wont do for your man, some other freaky bitch will" -- dont assume that is verbatim. i just put it in quotes to set it off, b/c im wild like that. anyways, you get the point. if your dude really wants to poke you up in your ass, and you wont let him, he might just go to maryjane rottencrotch (whose asshole is somehow disease-free! the miracles of modern science...)

i blacked out for a second there, but anyways, lets hit the high points:
1. it goes without saying you want it to be clean. maybe as much for your sake as for her sake. you could get an infection of your peehole, which i dont think you want (and i know you dont use a condom, sailor joe -- atta boy!), and im sure she would be mortified at the thought of your dipstick comin out a little brown. what am i talking about? girls dont take shits, and they smell like roses at all times. lets move on
2. lube. its hard enough to get it in the self-lubricating love hole up front, what about the self-proclaimed "exit only" without some good juice to grease the skids? from what i hear, saliva is not a good idea, despite what the disgusting porn stars might have you otherwise believe
3. speed. look, i dont care how bad you hate the chick, she's gonna catch on if you immediately try to start ramming your shit in there...plus theres a decent chance she'll stop it and/or you injure your johnson. slow baby, slow. you gotta prime that shit and make sure it's ready to accept all 7.5" of you and your pink fireman's cap. you wanna definitely wait til she's comfortable with it, esp if she hasnt done it before, bc you want to do this again, and if you cause her semi-permanent damage, im guessing youre getting denied. if you do hate her (dont worry, you will eventually anyways), wait til you start goin and then give it to her "balls...fucking...deep" as my buddy dionysus once said, i believe. remember also you have her in prime position for ass slaps, kidney shots, donkey punches, etc.
really explore the studio space here if you can keep your shit together. i mean that, explore the space. (hell, maybe if you rub her no-no spot, she'll get into it enough to lick her fingers and start goin to town on herself so youre free to go elsewhere. you gotta love perverts)

um. anything else? id say lay a couple towels out just in case anything delightful happens (never a bad idea to have a towel around anyways, right ron?). get your shit cleaned up and call her a cab if she is REALLY drunk. otherwise, im sure she's fine to drive (what? you thought you were staying this time just b/c you let me put it in your ass instead of your hoohoo? nice try, novice. thanks for playin)

Just Say No

Here's a question for ya--

If you had to pick between two drugs; love or heroin.
What's it gonna be?

I think I'm going with heroin. it's gotta feel as good as love, right? and how could it be anymore destructive?

--besides, it's a trick qustion; one is real and the other one isn't...


hey, i think i felt love once at church camp. at least thats what the pastor told me it was. ("love feels like this to some people")

im calling racism...and bullshit

for the record, the previous post was not intended as an "im hard up for ass" post, despite the many requests to give me handjobs. just lookin to spice up the blog with dirty pics and dirtier stories...perverts

on to the topic at hand - the NBA mvp. reports are that steve nash will win it again. im calling racism (whats that you say? you thought i was the leader of the aryan nation based on my other posts? im glad youre so perceptive)
steve nash is an amazing player and really a freak of nature as far as athleticism is concerned. however, he shouldnt even be in the mvp picture this year beyond the obligatory "distant third" talk.
its lebron or its kobe - lebron is sick and may average a triple-double over a season before his career is over. and the ocho (or the mamba, to some) may be the most unstoppable force ever when he's on his game.
kobe gets the nod over lebron for two reasons: he has been to the postseason and been successful (which doesnt and shouldnt count in mvp voting, but warrants mentioning)...but more importantly, i think if you switched their places, the cavs would have been even more successful, and the lakers probably woudlnt have even made the playoffs.
kobe got a team of chumps, with the aid of phil jackson, to bend over backwards for him - dive out of bounds, set moving screens, give up open shots - just so it could be his team, and he could put up 30 shots a game. hell, it works.

more on this later, perhaps...but what the hell happened here? am i taking crazy pills? did bron/kobe split the black vote and all the racist 60-year old white sports writers have a coup? im pretty outraged, and im WHITE. i imagine stephen a smith and scoop jackson may be calling up al sharpton and the right reverend jessie jackson to march outside david stern's house.
i just wonder what the fallout from this will be....


Go Red Wings!
I didn't even know the NBA playoffs were "now playing", what with all the hockey I've been watching...
wait, what?!

Kobe is easily the mvp - AND he got away with raping a white chick...
*obligatory rape yoke* Kobe was accused of rape; he got off.

Kobe is the best player in the league, no doubt. but that's not an award (yet) So what? He's also the most valuable player in the league. for the exact reason(s) you mentioned; the lakers wouldn't be in the playoffs with anyone other than kobe at the helm. It's science! (your brains are only 1/3 the size of ours)

That being said, Lebron will be better than Michael Jordan. Just wait--


Also...
Just because some people will care, Stephen (Steve) A Smith actually voted for Steve (Stephen A) Nash. Also, he isn't a jessie jackson fan.

If jessie jackson and sharpton did get involved, do you really believe that they would march? I think not. they'd just get on tv for a day and then agree to let nash have the mvp as long as they got kickbacks from the NBA for the next 40 years and jessie jackson's relatives were put on the leauge payroll. and, i think sharpton may try to work out a deal where he's the sole distributor of coke for all nba players.

As a side note -- I find it interesting that I'll openly bad mouth anyone in this blog and not even think twice about it. but my fingers tremble when I mention al sharpton and jessie jackson. i think because they're both big enough yokes to actaully come after me for it.

show me that cooter

in honor of ron "i'm down on my luck in vegas, so talk dirty to me" mexico, here's the request:

life sucks right now. im pissed off about a lot of things (yeah boo hoo, i know)
so, if you wanna send me some pics (of yourself, in little to no clothing) or stories (about how we're gonna hook up soon), etc, or even want to write your own post, send it to me at @hotmail.com

if you want the pics on the blog, ill (post them immediately) run it by shifta, and we'll do the damn thing.

thanks for stopping by (but mostly, stay classy)

nothing funny or offensive here, just NBA playoffs

no im serious. dont waste your time if you think there's something funny or cutting here.

just on-a-whim NBA predictions, most of which will be unsupported conclusions. just b/c i want to see how wrong i am in 8 months when the nba finals are finally played since they spread that shit out like our forces during w-w-2 (or your mom's legs on "working night")

East:
Detroit over Milwaukee (4 or 5)
Miami over Chicago (6)
NJ over Indiana (5 or 6)
Cleveland over Washington (5 or 6)

Detroit over Cleveland (5)
Miami over NJ (6)

And the bold, sexy pick: Somewhere along the way, Ben Wallace gets suspended or chauncey/rip tweaks something. Miami in 7 (lets be honest, Detroit probably wins this series in 6 without a superhuman shaq performance and/or some crazy bad things happening to d-town)

West:

San Antonio over Sacramento in 7
Phoenix over Lakers in 7
Clippers over Nuggets in 6
Dallas over Grizzlies in 5

San Antonio over Dallas in 7 (secretly hoping dallas pulls this one through since theyre more exciting to watch)
Clippers over Suns in 6-7

San An over Clips in 6

Boring pick: San Antonio plays Pistons...no one outside of those cities watches. Sexy pick is Dallas beating Miami or Detroit for the title.

Keeping the spurs and pistons out of the championship game would be a dream come true. Like a 3some with incestuous lesbian midget twins. uhhh...i gotta go