proof that aliens exist

so i was up at The Law School this afternoon, printing some things off, and i had my ipod on. when i walked in, there was one girl working on her laptop, but i could distinctly hear a male voice, so naturally i wanted to drink it all in...i do it for you readers, ok?

sure enough, a male had joined us, and he was talking to the chick...they were talking about "rings" and he was saying how great hers was. choking back vomit and fighting laughter and convulsions, i listened as he continued to hushedly (if that isnt a word, it is now) inquire about the ring, even saying such things as "if you dont mind me asking, how many carats is it" and then getting even softer and asking/saying something about getting one for his girlfriend.

he knew his girlfriend was nearby, and wisely kept his voice down. and wouldnt you know it, shortly after the really soft talk, here comes the GF, who gushes about the girl's ring, and exclaims to her boyfriend "see, you could learn some things!" and he sounded so defeated as he said "i know"

...so you see, there are aliens among us. instead of scalding water down my pants, i think i would have tossed it on the two gushing lovebirds. i hope i never turn to the dark side like that

guilt? duty? obligation?

feel free to reverse males and females in the scenario, but i dont want to keep writing he/she him/her, etc.

lets say john has known robin for a while, theyre "friends" but rarely hang out, except in groups. john has always had a little thing for robin, and he thought she might be interested, but he didnt want to make things weird, so he never said anything.

john knows this guy michael through friends, theyre sort of friends/acquaintances. your basic "hey whats up" bullshit-in-passing type "friendship"

now lets say michael got to know robin through some friends, but it was much more recently than john. well michael goes full court press on robin, and they start casually "dating" or whatever you people call it (i think its "hooking up without obligations" to us on The Blog).

so here's the question. michael and robin havent had the DTR talk (define the relationship aka the end of man), and michael prefers it that way. hell, robin may also. what if robin starts showing interest in john?

is john obligated in any way to respect michael? would a determining factor be if john and michael have each other's cell phone numbers? i really think unless youre just a good christian boy (who isnt?), or robin isnt that attractive, you should mash up with robin.
look, john, you dont know michael that well...this is survival! darwin would be proud of you, so sink your big fuckin fangs into that beautiful baby rabbit

disclaimer: before you paranoid-delusional and sleuthy types try to "figure out" who i am talking about, this is completely hypothetical. i used names to avoid vague pronoun usage. if youre not satisfied with that, good luck unwrapping the mystery

dickinsonian thoughts

1. being a bachelor: we here at the red n mesh express are consummate bachelors, and we aim to keep it that way indefinitely. with this awesome reality comes the question, "how long is this do-able?" i think a number of factors come into play, including how old you actually are, how old you look, how much money you have, where youre going, how youre acting, and even what city youre in.

a. how old you actually are: hey, even heff is getting mad amounts of pussy at an old age (this may be due to stardom and/or money. more on this later). some chicks are messed up in the head and have serious daddy issues. find them [small towns, strip clubs, group therapy sessions] and a steady prescription of viagra or cialis.
b. how old you look: some of us thankfully have babyfaces, which should enable us to sustain this ruse a little longer without extra effort. chicks like older guys, even "normal" chicks. thats bc men are SO immature compared to women. yeah, women are so mature and complex *rimshot*
c. how much money you've got: plain and simple, it's like legalized prostitution. money, power, respect (or is it money, cash, hoes?)
d. where youre going/how youre acting: we'll lump this into one. you cant be the greasy guy who is rubbing up on young babies at a club. be the sack, and she'll come to you. i think this is where it comes in handy to know a bartender or some younger friends as an "in" -- she might not be able to know just how money you are until you break that rugged exterior (insert your own jokes here)
e. what city youre in: i think for some reason bachelorhood is ok later in life on the coast. maybe im wrong but i definitely get the idea of more bachelors in LA, whale's vagina (saint diego, to some), NY, etc. dont worry, red n mesh will lead the movement toward older bachelors throughout the heart of america

other things to consider:
if you have any bachelor friends- let's face it, without them, youre gonna be a lonely guy on a mission without reliable homeys (no "ride or die" niggas, in other words)
if youre attractive: this is always a factor, in anything in life.
act as if / always be closing: your attitude can overcome some appearance flaws. look at all the ugly guys getting badass chicks.


2. creepy guys: is it possible for an attractive man to be considered creepy? not someone you think is objectively attractive or that many people find attractive...i mean is it possible for a female to find a guy she doesnt know to be attractive, yet still creepy?
my answer on this one is no, it isnt possible.
how much of a free pass is being attractive on the creepy scale though? it cant be carte blanche, so where do you draw the line?


3. these boots were made for walkin: look, if its warm enough to wear that cute mini you bought on sale at wet seal (or sluts R us, wherever you go), im just not sure about those boots youre wearing. unless it's halloween (and probably even if it is halloween), youre most likely going to look more like a streetwalker than a sophisticated lady. but hey, its all a part of the journey, right?
im not saying i have a problem with you looking like this [unless youre fat], just wanted to give you the head's up


sorry for the rambling part about being a bachelor. its not even funny or insightful, so to pay homage to bill simmons, i will now pour boiling water down my pants