Red-and-Meth

Aright, shifta - i've got one for ya:

American League MVP?
I say Papi. I hate to regurgitate something I heard, but it was a very cogent point, so I will say it here, forgetting who deserves credit for it. Papi is MVP, Gayrod is player of the year.
A-Rod is a freakin pimp...especially when the yankees are up by 10 runs. I have no way of verifying this but I feel pretty certain that the number of big, clutch hits he has had in a yankee's uniform would fit on one hand.
Papi on the other hand has 20 homers this year that have either tied the game or put the sox up! That's just unprecedented - there's no precedent, baby! That doesnt even mention other clutch hits he has had, nor his catalytic presence in the clubhouse (I mean, he has no other duties but to chew on things, pump up his boys, and go hit the ball)
So, give it to the crazy dominican...or whatever he is

Lemme know your thoughts...and really, if you have another topic, throw it at me - I'm bored
--BD


Two things. 1) I could just save myself and everyone else a lot of time and just go with the Plumley perspective and argue that the AL shouldn't even get an MVP since they don't actually play "baseball", since the pitcher doesn't have to hit. But we all know that's just crazy talk. 2) My argument won't even resemble an objective one because I can't stand the red sox beating the Yankees. It's so unnatural, not unlike David Blaine making a deal with the devil.

In the spirit of not being objective and slurping the Yankees, unapologetically, I'm just gonna come out and say it; A-Rod (that's Alex Rodriguez's nickname) should win the MVP and Player of the Year. Yeah...

Not to sound like Plumley, but I don't think it would sit right with me if a DH (or a Red Sox player) got the MVP. I think it’s a perfectly acceptable form of baseball (having the DH) but playing that position almost forfeits your chances at the MVP. Barry Bonds (post Balco, post gold glove days) is suddenly coming to mind... I think Big Papi is pretty valuable, but only on offense. He brings absolutely nothing to the team defensively. He is clutch like Derek Jeter. No question. His efforts are always timely. But I feel like A-Rod is your more valuable player, because he is helping the team from all angles. The guy is as strong a hitter as Papi (though maybe not as clutch) and they're talking Gold Glove for him, defensively. And he can steal bases better than Ortiz could steal your TV.

P.S. Every time I start thinking about sports awards, I'm always reminded of that guy on MTV's Dismissed. The guy that said he wasn't just a playa, he considered himself an All-Star.

--Shifta'


I love that you mentioned the "all-star" b/c i try to work that comment/joke into conversation at least once a month...

Before i go into this, let me ask you - when plumley makes the bigs, do you think he would rather play "real baseball" and strikeout looking or on a failed bunt OR be in the AL and get a chance to rest his achy old-man frame between innings?

OK - now we're talkin. I would actually be more open to the idea of Jetes getting MVP over Papi (and therefore A-rod, obviously) - That guy's got more intangibles than Hubie Brown can shake a stick at...and unlike A-rod, he can actually hit a ball in a close game, rather than watching strike 3 and then making a whiny face before smiling his way back to the dugout (b/c he knows he's getting amazing pussy after a game, win or lose...right?)

As for Papi and DH, look at the name of the award "most valuable" - that doesnt mean best in baseball, or even best on one's own team. That means you take their attitude, performance, intangibles, (unintentionally) comedic interviews, and all of that into account. I think Papi deserves it...

And i dont know why you gotta bring up the past - Papi's theft charge (the TV) was dismissed, much like my "statutorily awesome" charge

Brucey D.


I was with you all the way on that one, man. 13? She looked 30! I saw her...

I love the all-star joke. It's one of the great 'unoriginals' that we’re (in)famous for.
I hate to speculate about which league Plumley would prefer. I guess time will tell on that one.

If there was a MEP (most entertaining player) award, who would the finalists be? Manny immediately comes to mind? But who else could even compete? Is he the list? I can't even think about Manny without "My Immortal" (at all times playing in my head) stopping for a moment and then circus music starting up. That guy is so spectacular. Cinema has Will Ferrel, and biesbol has Manny Ramirez.

I'm pretty sure the entire thing is trivial and irrelevant (like our lives), because everyone knows that the MVP is going to the minority player on the penant winning team. That's what it's come down to.

Btw, this post is approaching a Bill Simmons-like size. But that's whatchoo gotta do when you find yourself in the middle of a vicious cock fight!

Wow, it really did get out of hand there, didn't it?

Just a few quick notes, and i'll lay this baby to pasture...
Which version is playing in your head - the rocked-out version, or the original?
Ever since Piazza stopped dying his hair, i cant think of another MEP, unless you count giambi's, bonds', and palmeiro's laughable denials of taking steroids...hmm
rickey henderson isnt still giving interviews in the 3rd person is he?

maybe i just dont watch enough biesbol, but i know theres gotta be a couple somewhat mainstream jokers out there [im thinking pitchers or outfielders] that we're missing...i'm in a glass case of emotion over it, honestly

in any event, its time to drink


This just came to me - a guy by the name of Jose Canseco - maybe you've heard of him? He's kind of a big deal around here...
If he still played, I would say he had what it took to be a competitor. But even then -- bouncing a pop fly off of your head doesn't really put you at the same level as burning down a blunt inside the green monster during a game. What could, really?

Half the rent has to come from somewhere...new

So, this is about my roomate, who, by the way, has random contributions on the AIM pages of the blog -- Gbradley232 -- gee, I wonder what his name is.

Ok, GO!
He isn't really a "dipper", but he likes to dip. You know, like someone who smokes the occassional cigarette, joint, rack of animal flesh, or rival gang member. It's just something he does when he's in the mood for it. (Like sometimes I'm in the mood to watch chicks with horses.) I'm not sure how familiar you are with dip (snuff), but they [the evil tobacco companies] "prepare" dip a couple different ways. You can get long cut, short cut, and recently, "bandits". Bandits are like the tea-bag (non sexual, unfortunately) equivalent to dip. You know, its just a tiny little bag full of dip. So you don't have to worry with getting a bunch of dip in your teeth and what not. It's no-mess. And if the bandit isn't enough dip for you to really enjoy the experience, then you can put in more than one bandit. Up the dosage, if you will. Seems practical, right. Well, it is. So, my roomate and I are at 7/11 so he can get some dip. And, naturally, I bring up Bandits.

Me: "Hey, you should get bandits, it seems like a neat idea."
Him: "What? That's such a pussy thing to buy... fucking bandits..."
Me: "Why? It seems so much cleaner and easier."
Him: "No real man would ask for bandits."
Me: "What would I know about that? But, alright, I trust ya."

so we walk up to the counter so he can get his stuff.

Him: "Yea... can I get a can of apple skoal?"

anyone else find this ironic?

i may have been adopted

Thoughts/questions

What is the “juice” in cottage cheese?
What’s more offensive – cottage cheese with the juice, or cottage cheese without the juice (yes, it exists; and no, ive never had it)

Under what conditions is it acceptable for a guy to wear yellow, pink, or light blue chuck taylors?

What happened to craig kilborn? (yes I realize he’s doing movies, whatever)
On that thought, do you (or anyone you know) watch his replacement, craig ferguson?

On the Gatorade commercials about a “win is a win, a loss is a loss,” is that announcer trying to appeal to every possible ethnicity? The way he talks, it’s like he has no accent, yet he somehow has the accent of every person in the world, to some degree – Gatorade probably finds this brilliant…my vote is “annoying, to quite annoying”

How many more fit clubs will it take to get Kathy (the Snapple lady) into a normal weight range? Im thinking somewhere in the ballpark of the “number of licks it takes” to get to the center of a tootsie pop, but im open to debate…
On the celebrity fit club thing – the show pretty much sucks, except for watching these "famous" land monsters struggle through menial tasks, coupled with the invariable meltdowns/blowups they capture so nicely…frankly, as long as they keep digging up “celebrity” gems like gary busey and willy aames, you can count me in

Danny bonaduce – breaking bonaduce is a delicious show, and it may even get its own post at some point – but lets be honest here…his “career” hasn’t exactly been stellar for a number of years now…how much of his activity on the show was scripted, planned, embellished on account of there being cameras and ratings afoot? Yes, he’s insane – we got that…but come on, he knew he stood to make a lot more money if he REALLY went off the deep
- if you scripted this into a movie, would anyone believe it?

- am i the only straight guy who noticed the misspelling of kiehl's as "kheils" on vh1's definition of metrosexual?

- does anyone know of a restaurant in the united states where you can get a liter of cola? again, these things are essential to my survival, in the hunter-gatherer sense of the word

those are the random thoughts and questions for now - feel free to respond if you want - with answers or thoughts of your own (i guess)

also, check back occasionally, i may add to this or i may just start a new one when random things come up

Anonymous Said...

Anonymous:
Adj.
1. Having no distinctive character.
2. Lacking marked individuality.

Sounds about right…


What is up with posting a comment anonymously? Honestly! Do you think this is some 12-step group meeting? This really frustrates me… I wanna talk about this for a minute. People are getting way too into this anonymity thing. This is totally accepted behavior. What gives? Are you skurred?
You give to your favorite charity; donate anonymously. Give/receive a blowjob down at the local adult bookstore; use a glory hole. Confess your sins; hide your face behind a screen. Lynch someone; wear a white hood. Drinking and/or Drug problem; AA. Post a comment on a blog; “Anonymous said”. Take some credit!

Actually, as an aside, I would like to get back to these 12-step programs. They have an anonymous club for every kind of vice/addiction/hobby these days. It’s really amazing. Don’t get me wrong, I can understand a level of anonymity in certain circumstances, okay. But, did you know that they have an “Overeaters Anonymous?” Read that again. I am dead serious. I couldn’t possibly make this up – I’m not that funny. (Plus, I linked it, so you know it’s true.) (They also have Lip Balm Anonymous, no lie. Their primary focus is to stay free from lip balm & to help others achieve the same freedom. I think perhaps this anonymous thing is getting out of hand.) If you have a drinking problem, maybe you want to remain anonymous, and hide it from the general public. You don’t wanna walk around with a sign on your back, right. You don’t want other people talking about you. Fine. I’m with ya there. But if you’re an orca, do you really think the ‘anonymous’ is necessary? Do you really believe that people don’t know you might have a problem with over-indulgence, fatty? C’mon… you ARE wearing a sign – a 250 pound sign wrapped around your bones. It says “Look away, I’m hideous, and yes, I may have a problem with overeating.” (Sure… sure, it’s your thyroid, right? Big boned? Bad genes? Uh huh…)

People – stop posting anonymously! Take some responsibility. At least give daddy a name. That’s all I’ve got.

Anonymous…

It's A Bull Market

We’re all just used car salesman when it comes to women. We're entry level stock brokers. (though some of us have the corner office and set the curve for office sales) Only I’m not here to sell you stock, honey, I’m here selling Time-Shares -- in my bed. We’re stock brokers baby, employing the philosophy, “always be closing.” And while we’re on the subject… ALWAYS BE CLOSING, chumps. Take no prisoners. Show no mercy! Some women say that women are the stronger species, let ‘em prove it. Look, if that’s true, then they have nothing to worry about. But if it’s not, then they just have one thing to worry about -- ME.

The Age of "Awesome" (consent is so subjective)

(for some reason, i wanna sing "backstreet's back, ALRIGHT!" b/c im pretty sure that was a line from their first released single - along with vanilla ice singing that "ice is back with a brand new invention" even though he hadnt ever been *there* before - either way, i thought i had lost my motivation, but with some frozen bananas and trail mix in the blood stream, im "back" baby...so grab a volleyball and some aviator shades, maverick, b/c im about to grease you up for a wild ride...)

So, I am in law school, but hopefully that won't taint the views on here too much from my ordinarily bad-natured demeanor. We read a case recently about a 20-year old mentally retarded guy who was coaxed into having sex with a 13-year old; this little harlot eventually gave birth to the "special" guy's kid. Anyways, for some reason the court charged him with statutory rape - I will not go into either side of the case, but it got me thinking...about age of consent

Evolution has sped up a bit in recent generations, as girls are maturing at younger and younger ages check the record for yourself!

So, for years I have been wondering - when are they going to change that pesky statutory age? I mean, 13-year olds now can look really old when you throw boobs, hollister skirts, slutty tops, and alcohol (look, i didnt think i was that drunk, plus who hooks up sober??) into the mix. Now, I do not advocate hooking up with babies here, but come on judge, give me a little (more) leeway.

Obviously, the quicker girls mature, the quicker they are hitting the sauce, and the quicker their metabolisms catch up with them. So awesome/shallow guys like me and bigshifta are forced to upgrade to the newer, sleeker model, which unfortunately gets younger and younger.

I am not proposing any hard and fast rules as of yet, but I would like to think that a high class broad like emma watson (harry potter is the only thing on right now...i swear) should become available well before the "ripe" age of 18 - hell, the way evolution is going, she may be well into her twilight by that point.

Oh, speaking of hell, welcome to mine