Shifta Moves To Harlem

I didn't really move to Harlem--

But I did move to www.facebook.com recently. I was convinced to set up a myspace page a couple of months ago and thought it was alright. Pretty standard. Did the usual guy thing of browsing for hott chicks and terrorizing friends' comment columns. And then just a few days ago I was talked into getting on facebook. (I'm easily persuaded by blowjobs, peer pressure and chocolate candies)

The only drawback I can see to facebook is not being allowed to view people's page if they're not in your school, state, or friend group. That makes it less stalker friendly which I'm not behind. It's like when you click on a really hott girl's profile on myspace only to find out she's set it on private and you can't look at her pictures. It's devestating. Like having a handle of cheap bourbon and the coke machine in my apartment complex is all out of diet coke AND sprite. It's like finally bagging a hot chick only to get her home and find out she has inch long and/or inverted nipples. Crushed isnt the right word, but it's the first that comes to mind...

However, the big advantage that facebook has, and the reason its far superior to myspace, is that you can't really customize your page (yet). What a blessing! What a pleasant browsing experience they've created over there at facebook. Myspace on the otherhand has completely ruined theirs. Why do they let you color your page outrageously and put songs and slideshows and annoying backgrounds and all of that other 15 year old "tween"ager intrusive/obtrusive bullshit that everyone on myspace does?? God I want to throw something!! (I want to destroy something beautiful) Thank god it's only on the main page. I don't spend anytime there anyway -- why would I want to spend 10 minutes reading about you when all I want are pictures and it's going to drive me nuts. Honestly, girls, people aren't as interested in you as you are. Trust me on this; I write a blog that no one reads. And anyone that might have actually read all of your favorite quotes and "me" surveys to find out which alcoholic beverage defines you as a person was totally turned off by the shitty hip-hop song du jour you're forcing down the pipe and the slideshows of you and your lush friends. They went straight to the pictures (like me) or just hit the little X in the corner. And bulletins.. my god the bulletins.

Mysapce... I hate you. I know you're not the ones trying to tell everyone what kind of kisser susie is or which person from sex in the city margot (thinks she) is, or even how many piercings kelly has; but you're enabling. So you're on my shitlist...

and this was gonna be a nice little post about how I like facebook.


a couple things worth noting -- myspace is the devil, but its so amazing to laugh at people on there. also, the number of times my computer has crashed bc of an overload of myspace bullshit? probably over 100. the number of times my computer has crashed bc of facebook? zero. it's worth noting. and also, since i am an outrageous stalker there WAS a brief period where you could view anyone's page on facebook, and it must have gotten quickly out of hand. it was a sad, sad day in stalkerville when that went away
in response to indie, they now have high school facebook. score!

Back From The Dead

Hello Again--

So, I've been inundated with emails from readers asking why I haven't posted in so long. I'd like to address it, if I may.

First off, let me just say how flattered I am that you all miss reading Shifta's contribution to society (yes, this is the only one I make). It really means a lot to me that you take the time to come here and yada yada yada, whatever, I'm bored.

Ok, secondly, I felt like the April 1st post could never really be topped, (or the oral sex oration) so I pretty much hung it up after that. Sure, sure, I mailed in a few performances since then, but nothing worth the desktop they're written on.

Thirdly; Bruce & I share a brain (and a personality, and... actually about 90% of the girls we know... weird...) Anyway, and since he's in law school right now, he needs it. So I've really got nothing to contribute because I'm unable to think critically about the issues. The issues, people!

Lastly; I have a theory. Bruce & I only have like 2 or 3 jokes that we tell. We've virtually no original thoughts and our conversations are always about the same meaningless drivel. A copy of a copy of a copy... See, there I go again. I think we exhausted all of our material within the first 3 or 4 months of the blog.

I know what you're all saying...
"But shifta, the method is flawless! It's all deadly, baby! We love how you drop the science!"

But the truth is, you're all glib...

the rufie question

inquiring minds want to know

msevier31: heres a question for you
Studlystuf: alllright sir
msevier31: say a guy had a girlfriend
msevier31: if he uses a rufie on her, is this rape?
Studlystuf: hmm
Studlystuf: what if she wanted him to
Studlystuf: what if she wanted some sort of date rape fantasy
Studlystuf: but then they break up
Studlystuf: and she goes to the police
Studlystuf: is he fucked
msevier31: good question
msevier31: assuming theyve already had sex
msevier31: but assuming also that he does it without her knowledge
msevier31: what if he does it bc he wants to have buttsex but she wont consent
Studlystuf: haha, rape
msevier31: how pathetic
Studlystuf: haha
Studlystuf: what are the chances she's gonna tell anyone though
Studlystuf: like 1%?
msevier31: what are the chances she finds out?
msevier31: if the guy has the stones to rufie his own girlfriend, he aint tellin her shit

it's always sunny in philadelphia

in case you havent seen this show, it's on fx thursday nights at 10 eastern (and i believe they replay it again at 11 eastern). its funny, its outrageous, its random, its offensive - all good things, i think. they even get away with peppering some expletives in there occasionally.
all of this seems to sound pretty good, but when you take the sum of the parts, im not quite sure the whole is as good as it should be.
some of the scenes seem unnecessary filler. other scenes seem awkward, forced, and/or have weak delivery. it's almost like they went with the curb your enthusiasm approach of writing a loose script of ideas, having a few lines they think are gems, and letting the actors do the rest. lots of the scenes seem like they could or should be funny, or that they ALMOST were funny, but they were lacking the cohesion (or that one funny line to send it over the top) that makes curb your enthusiasm work so well.
im going to be a naysayer and say this show wont make it more than a season or two. not b/c the talent isnt there, not b/c the ideas arent there, but...it seems like shows that try to be offensive or satirical on a general level just run out of steam.
anyways, they've already used a lot of "taboo" or edgy topics up (like having sex with your buddy's mom, becoming a crack addict, and using an apparent disability to curry favor and sympathy with members of the opposite sex, just to name a few) -- if theyre pushing it this far after 3 weeks, what's going to be left by season's end?
a couple things to mention - this show sort of has the feel of some college buddies getting drunk, maybe getting a little baked, and writing a script...it feels like there's a lot of inside jokes and tongue-in-cheek between the actors. maybe im a little off here, but i dont think so...
one more thing - danny devito? so random here. he never quite seems to fit in. i dont even know if he's a good actor, but his scenes are usually the most awkward, causing me to question his inclusion in the show. i think maybe they just added him to have a broader range of offensive material to draw from
[ed. note -- this is apparently season 2?? no idea what happened to season 1, but all the promotion for the show seemed to suggest it was a new show. still doesnt change my prediction for its shelf life. also, danny devito was added in season 2, which could possibly explain why he seems out of place most of the time]