africa and assfucking

a mutual friend of us bloggers recently applied for a program to live in africa and help whoever/whatever there. the details are a bit foggy to me, b/c i hear something marginally philanthropic, and i immediately go into seizure and black out for a number of minutes. either way, he volunteered to go to a TWO YEAR program in africa. am i taking crazy pills, or is that just above volunteering in iraq and volunteering in afghanistan at the bottom of the list of enviable positions?
so it got me thinking...(since im gay and all)
if you were forced to either do a 2-year stint, or be fucked in the ass 1 time, what would you do? i personally think this is an easy decision. assfucking all the way (assuming youre getting a reach-around. without the reach-around, its a much tougher decision). at least you have a much better chance of surviving the assfucking. and although it may be traumatizing [or awesome?], i think you have a better chance of returning to a semi-normal life from being assfucked than you do from spending 2 years in africa. this doesnt even mention the aids, malaria, wildlife, crazy people wanting to rob or kidnap you, the lack of conveniences, and the heat (my god, the heat!).
i dont know about you, but im gonna go buy some KY

dan, dave, some foreign guy, and world cup soccer

remember the (i wanna say 92) olympics? maybe you do, maybe you dont. either way, im referring to the "dan vs. dave" campaign that went on for weeks and weeks, even prior to olympic qualifiers. nike did a great ad campaign. problem was, one of them didnt even qualify for the olympics. OOPS! like communism, it was great in theory, but it all fell apart

fast forward to 2006 with what was touted as the united states' best soccer team ever. WOW! i love this game! actually, i have enjoyed watching some of the futbol in this year's world cup, even though i never caught a US game. anyways, once again all the bulid up of dan and dave, with the silly foreign guy saying things like "play beautiful" and "the world no longer looks forward to playing you" ...and we didnt even make it out of our group. OOPS!

America - the world no longer looks forward to playing you, b/c they dont even have to. zing!

random thoughts, part 29

this is late to mention, of course, but how much hotter is ashlee simpson with blonde hair and a nose job? she's like a mini-jessica. next stop, fake boobs. even without the fake funbags, im a big fan. ryan cabrera needs to step back in and abuse that or she may end up on the business end of my cock

second thought...is it strange that the word "genital" is not in my predictive text? uh, on second thought, forget that i mentioned it

text messages are awesome

so, between me and a couple people ive talked to, i will try to recall some of the best text messages we've ever received. a couple things to keep in mind: if there is a sexual connotation, assume it is intended or it probably wouldnt make the list; i may change a word or two to protect the not-so-innocent; maybe YOU sent the text message, maybe you didnt; there may be one or two made up, just to keep things fresh and sexy.

without further ado:
"hang out equals hook up without anyone knowing"
"trust me im good"
"oh, you know what youll get..."
"i dont just want to tell you..im more hands on"
"hurry im getting antsy"
"i can make an exception for you"
"i want you to fuck me from behind and breathe down my neck"
"too bad youre not drunk, or id invite you over for some fun"
"i want your dick in my mouth now"
"i really want your dick so deep in my throat tonight"
"i wanna choke on it"
"i wanna feel it get hard in my mouth"
"i wanna taste you"
"sex?"
"doing you over and over in my mind"
"come to [bar] and you'll get lucky tonight"
"you make me nervous like im in high school again"
"wanna hear how wet i am?"
"i graduate [high school] next week"
"how hot would we be together?"
"im not saying we should fuck, but id like to stay"
"why do i want you so badly?"
"i dont want you to think im just another skank"
"i think about you when im with him"
"you make me feel so vulnerable"

feel free to comment with your own greatest/funniest/favorite texts