i'm in love with a stripper

no...ive still never heard that song. this post is about strippers. let's focus

lets say for a second you are one of those guys who wants to hook up with a stripper (you might even get a rush of adrenalin[e] from time to time). now lets pretend you manage to coerce this coked-out broad thats its time to rumble...

whats the protocol here? does this chick want a lot of foreplay? does she just wanna get railed after all the "teasing" of rubbing her beaver on guys while rollin on X and/or coked out for 3-4 hours?

im thinking its either:
1. she might be surprisingly basic and boring and want lots of kissing and affection since her job is so shallow and base (awesome) OR
2. she's a stripper bc she really IS a freak, and she just wants you to beat that pussy up like you invented it

sadly, i bet there are more of #1 than of #2, but sadly/appropriately, i probably will never find out first hand. call me crazy, but inordinate amounts of drugs and other guys' oral and seminal fluids (in?) all over a chick dont exactly get mr happy at full salute (unless of course, those fluids belong to me and shifta, and we're doing the drugs with her...or slipped them into her drink earlier in the night)

...back to the champagne room

First off; let's dispense with this charade that you're "in love" with anyone but yourself [and me]. We all know love isn't real (much like Canadians, the Holocaust, big-tittied beautiful blonde lesbians, and, well.... Love) But, aside from that -- I'm with you 100%.

Strippers are awesome -- on the outside. Because, as we all know, they're mostly dead on the inside. (her womb is so polluted...)

****as an aside, this [for some reason] reminds me of an exchange I had with my [engaged] brother the other day. I told him that getting married is dreadful;
Me: Marriage is ridiculous
Him: Just wait 'til you're old and lonely
Me: Get a dog
Him: Dogs are stupid
Me: So are women
Him: No they're not!
Me: Well, whatever, I don't want a dog either... too much commitment
*****end of exchange

I'm not sure where I was going with any of this...

Oh yea, I remember.
How is this different than hooking up with any other chick? They're all stained with the cum of [a million] other men. And the majority of them are #1 from your submissions, regardless of their day/night job. They are basic and boring and want lots of affection and kissing [because, let's put it out there, their daddy didn't give them enough attention. OR he gave them too much. Look, pick your disorder; women all fall into a very small number of strains] (and yes, the word "strains" was used over words like types or categories, because it's so fitting and I pay attention to detail) And my penis isn't seeing action [from a second "qualified" party] for a couple of weeks [at least] because of the last few lines. (and by "qualified" I mean hott and skilled)

I'm gonna stop while I'm ahead and get to bed...

God must be a He

...because no chick could be this brilliant...

...unless she's ugly...


...and then no one gives a shit...


So there's this idea of "Stockholm Syndrome". I'm sure you're familiar with it. And if not...

"The syndrome is named after the Norrmalmstorg
robbery of Kreditbanken at Norrmalmstorg, Stockholm in
which the bank robbers held bank employees hostage from August 23 to August 28, 1973. In this case, the victims became emotionally attached to their victimizers, and even defended their captors after they were freed from their six-day ordeal."

So, now that we've reviewed ---
Whats up with this? These people look to their kidnappers/abusers to care for them? They actually LIKE them in some cases? Why? Someone could kidnap you, do some awful [kinky] shit to you, and when it's all over, you're sending this fool postcards every week in jail. Probably wishing him well and a safe return to the outside. What is going on here, my dirties?

I would submit to you that they turn to the evil whackos because they have nowhere else to turn. When they're all alone and things are looking bleak; the kidnappers are the only ones there. And, in fact, these sickos DO take care of them. (Even if it's in the form of letting you live because they're gonna plug the guy next to you instead. They did spare you. And in doing so, sort of saved your life...)

This reminds me of some corrupt King/ruler or something. The guy [let's call him.... umm.... God?] puts on a great show on the outside, but up in the castle he's raping bitches [and boyscouts] and cutting people's dongs off cos they can't pay his ridiculous tax or cos they don't worship him enough and praise how he's the greatest dude in the land. (Did I just accuse G of raping children? Fuck, I hope not...) So, He's [it's capitalized for effect, ya see] doing all this stuff, but what's the outcome? Everybody loves the shmuck-King. That's your outcome! And whenever he hires some thugs to burn down a village and tragedy is right in your backyard, what do you do? Oh, you turn to him. You believe he'll come and make everything right. You love him! He'll do something about the torch wielding thugs! He'll rebuild your hut! Why wouldn't he? And if he doesnt.... well, it's all a part of his plan. Let it slide--
And you'll still love him. Where else could/would you turn during the hard times?

But why? You gotta know that it's this jerk-off pulling all the puppet strings. He's the one raining down fire. He's the one taking your little girl from you so he can have someone scrub his testes. If he's running the show, then at best he's letting all this terrible shit happen to you and everyone else. And at worst - he's actually ordering it to happen. You know it, I know it, and we're still looking to this guy to make things right. We still worship him. It's all part of His plan...

yea -- His plan to make you love Him! Stockholm Syndrome...
He knows that for every huge tragedy, he's picking up a boatload of new recruits. So it's just a numbers game here. Kill 500 in some freak brush fire or terrorist attack; pick up two thousand fresh souls, ready to love you forever. It's brilliant... He is definitely a He (and possibly a kidnapper)

I gotta go write a postc... I mean, go to church

----

well, wow. im not touching that with a 10-foot pole. but i gotta be honest here...i expected the "Stockholm Syndrome" blog to be something about females and their affinity for assholes. and by assholes, i mean moribund relationships. and by moribund i mean abusive. and by abusive, i mean parasitic.
certainly the syndrome could apply to any and all of these, no?
what about all the good times you and your "kidnapper" had together? all the times he allowed you to speak or to NOT be hit/shot in the face? he clearly cares about you
i think you could write a book about this, and im sure someone has at some point. but it would be redundant to give an example for each of the aforementioned scenarios.
lets just say "stockholm syndrome" and call "scoreboard" on this one
its sad. no, fascinating. no, awesome. at least for *us*

--let us pray

Shock & Awe - Fundamentals

Studlystuf : she has a boyfriend?
msevier31 : yeah, the one she broke up with
msevier31 : "broke up"
msevier31 : you know how girls go with the "breaking up"
Studlystuf : yea, when a girl breaks up with you
Studlystuf : it means they're giving you a free pass to their gear
Studlystuf : and it can be used anytime she's not fucking some other guy
msevier31 : oh god
msevier31 : youre going to put that on the blog

sluts! darwin (and the blog) approves

lets talk evolution and survival of the fittest. sorry bitches and player-haters, but the rest of us were coded to survive.
for males, that means spreading your proverbial (and physical) seed[s] around. we're coded to knock all you dumb bitches up in an effort to continue the human race -- sorry, blame it on science
for females, that means spread your legs until your eggs are properly fertilized...so the irony of the situation is that these sluts are the "fittest" for survival according to darwin, right? theyve got the best "survival instincts," but in this day and age, that can get you ostracized or even killed (by jealous girlfriends...or the HIV -- unless youre magic johnson)

anyways, dont question it. dont fight it. its just science. consider it nature's and our way of saying "thanks" and "well done"

Bruce, you are a delight.

Let's talk about sluts for a minute [or 15, cos I can tell this is gonna get outta hand]
Male and Female.

Sluts are doing just fine. (and by sluts, obviously I mean you and I, Bruce) In fact, they're doing tremendous business all over the place. Their industry is alive and well. Their doors; always open. Their shelves; always stocked. Their stores; always crowded! It's like Wal-Mart; no matter what time you go into that place, there's always at least 20 other people there. It's really something.

Let's run with that for a second. I like it--
We all [pretend to] hate wal-mart. We agree it's a little bit dirty. We agree that it's a little cheap looking/feeling. We agree that, perhaps, the selection could be a little bit better. (Not that wal-mart has a terrible selection, quite the contrary; they've got tons of shit. But I think we can all admit that it's usually mid to lower tier quality. Am I right? And that's all I'm saying.) We can all agree that, for the most part, the service sucks; they only care about [themselves] the bottom line. When you're ready to buy something -- give them business -- they're right there. But if you ever need any help; need someone to talk to, need a question answered, need some direction -- if you ever need anything more, you're fucked. Your needs are really secondary here. (are we still talking about wal-mart or have I made the seemless transition to sluts?... please hold your applause til the end, thank you) So given all of these [so-called] "negatives/cons", why are we still flooding into these places day and night? Why??
Look, because I care, I'm gonna tell you why--

The price is right my friends.

I don't know how many times I've gone into wal-mart and couldn't find exactly what I wanted. But do I leave? No, I buy something anyway. I find something similar to what I was looking for, and I say to myself, "Self, it'll do". Why not, right? Maybe it isn't Sara Lee's "Delightfully White" white bread (which is what I really wanted) -- but it IS white bread. And its cheap!
So you'll take it.
And THAT is why they're banking.

Somehow, they [wal-mart or sluts?] make you forget that you're [normally] a descriminating hipster with an appreciation for the finer things in life. You suddenly don't care that you are, at this very moment, about to purchase the same loaf of bread that "double-wide Clyde" from the trailer park bought earlier this morning after his government disability check was delivered. Read that last line again. Suddenly, what is good enough for Clyde is good enough for you too? How could you, with all your good looks and charm and potential, sink down to Clyde's level and buy the wal-mart brand.. anything?! How could this be happening?
Well, I've already told you how. Because they're giving the shit away!! Who could resist?! You want bread, they've got bread. And it's gonna cost ya next to nothing!

So it goes. And sluts are making a killing.

Lemme break it down by sex for you--

Chicks vs. The Mimbo
We all know that chicks hate the female slut. Hate her with a passion! They hate her more than they hate your ex-girlfriend. (who dates? what are you a preacher or something?) But, do chicks hold the mimbo to the same flame? Yea-NO! Chicks shop at wal-mart too, kids.
Chicks will STILL get with "that guy"-- no questions asked. They talk a big game about how dirty he is but when it comes down to it, they're still finding their way onto the business end of my di.... well, you know.
They know this guy is a total man whore and that he'll hook up with any girl -- but they're so flattered by the idea that he is interested in hooking up with them that they're sprinting to a dark corner to get on their knees. (men want a piece of ass. women want men to want their piece of ass -- it's fundamental) Do they care that he's probably already been with her best friend? Not anymore! Is this hurting his chances? It was... up until the moment he blew the best friend off and showed a little interest in her. The estrogen coarsing through their veins is blinding them to the reality of the situation. Some girl somewhere, as I write this, is convincing herself that she wouldn't be interested in some dude if he were actually as dirty as everyone (including her 5 minutes ago) keept saying. He's really kind of sweet. He just hasn't found the right girl yet. SHE could be the right girl! The one that he'll settle down for! The one that he'll give up his mimbo ways for .... no wait, he's not a mimbo! He's sweet and misunderstood!
Result: Mimbo wins

Men vs. The Slut
Male sluts, we're indifferent. Female sluts - we're in love.
You know we shop at wal-mart, man. We just don't care. It's prudent. It's practical. It's nearly effortless. Hell, it's economical even.
We'll buy the wal-mart brand foods because they save us more money for beer (and if they had wal-mart brand beer, we'd buy that too, because it all gets us to the same place, and we could buy twice as much) If you're a man and you're grocery shopping, your only thought is "I want food." You NEED food. You know you need it to survive. What difference does it make where it comes from or what kind of packaging its in. And frankly, the less packaging there is covering it up, probably the more likely we are to buy it. It makes sense! Think about it -- we wanna see what we're getting. (We've eliminated the worry about getting it home, undressing... I mean, unwrapping it, and seeing that it's maybe not what we thought we were getting.) You buy something in a box, there's really no telling what's inside that thing. You buy something half hanging out of its "container" (or see-thru packaging) you know exactly what you've got. It's the smart move.
So THAT is why we get with sluts. Well, that and we just love sluts. We love to hook up with them. We love to tell our friends that we did it. We just love the whole experience.
Result: Men win! You could say that everyone wins, but we all know that a life of slutitude for a woman is really destroying her inside, so she's actually losing. Tucker Max probably said it best: "These women have circled the drain a few times, and no manner of plastic surgery or trips to the spa can hide that despair that years of whorish behavior and emotional prostitution leaves in the eyes."